My gouvernantes had just so much control over me as you might
conjecture such sage persons would have in the case of a rather spoiled
girl, whose only parent allowed her pretty nearly her own way in
everything.
The first occurrence in my existence, which produced a terrible
impression upon my mind, which, in fact, never has been effaced, was
one of the very earliest incidents of my life which I can recollect.
Some people will think it so trifling that it should not be recorded
here. You will see, however, by-and-by, why I mention it. The nursery,
as it was called, though I had it all to myself, was a large room in
the upper story of the castle, with a steep oak roof. I can’t have been
more than six years old, when one night I awoke, and looking round the
room from my bed, failed to see the nursery maid. Neither was my nurse
there; and I thought myself alone. I was not frightened, for I was one
of those happy children who are studiously kept in ignorance of ghost
stories, of fairy tales, and of all such lore as makes us cover up our
heads when the door cracks suddenly, or the flicker of an expiring
candle makes the shadow of a bedpost dance upon the wall, nearer to our
faces. I was vexed and insulted at finding myself, as I conceived,
neglected, and I began to whimper, preparatory to a hearty bout of
roaring; when to my surprise, I saw a solemn, but very pretty face
looking at me from the side of the bed. It was that of a young lady who
was kneeling, with her hands under the coverlet. I looked at her with a
kind of pleased wonder, and ceased whimpering. She caressed me with her
hands, and lay down beside me on the bed, and drew me towards her,
smiling; I felt immediately delightfully soothed, and fell asleep
again. I was wakened by a sensation as if two needles ran into my
breast very deep at the same moment, and I cried loudly. The lady
started back, with her eyes fixed on me, and then slipped down upon the
floor, and, as I thought, hid herself under the bed.
I was now for the first time frightened, and I yelled with all my might
and main. Nurse, nursery maid, housekeeper, all came running in, and
hearing my story, they made light of it, soothing me all they could
meanwhile. But, child as I was, I could perceive that their faces were
pale with an unwonted look of anxiety, and I saw them look under the
bed, and about the room, and peep under tables and pluck open
cupboards; and the housekeeper whispered to the nurse: “Lay your hand
along that hollow in the bed; someone _did_ lie there, so sure as you
did not; the place is still warm.”
I remember the nursery maid petting me, and all three examining my
chest, where I told them I felt the puncture, and pronouncing that
there was no sign visible that any such thing had happened to me.
The housekeeper and the two other servants who were in charge of the
nursery, remained sitting up all night; and from that time a servant
always sat up in the nursery until I was about fourteen.