Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6
John Stuart Mill · en
He ought not to be here she irritably told herself, emerging as they
turned and took the few steps to her street, tired and scattered and
hopelessly late, into the forgotten chill of her day. It was all very
well for him with his freedom and leisure to begin the first thing in
the morning with things that belonged to the end of the day.... She took
swift distracted leave of him at the corner and hurried along the length
of the few houses to her destination. Turning remorsefully at the
doorstep to smile her farewell, she saw the hurrying form of Mr. Hancock
crossing the road with grave appraising glance upon the strange figure
bowing towards her bareheaded in the wind from the top of the street. He
had seen her loitering, standing still, had heard her howls. Mercifully
the door opened behind her, and she fled within .... the corner of the
very street that made him, more than any other street, look foreign,
and, in the distance, disgraceful......
For days she read the first two stories in the little book, carrying it
about with her, uneasy amongst her letters and ledgers unless it were in
sight. The project of translation vanished in an entranced consideration
at close quarters of some strange quality coming each time from the
printed page. She could not seize or name it. Both stories were sad,
with an unmitigated relentless sadness, casting a shadow over the
spectacle of life. But some spell in their weaving, something abrupt and
strangely alive, remaining alive, in the text, made a beauty that
outlived the sadness. They were _beautiful_. English people would not
think so. They would only see tragedy of a kind that did not occur in
the society they knew. They would consider Andrayeff a morbid foreigner,
and a liking for the stories an unhealthy pose. Very well. It was an
unhealthy pose. The strange beauty in the well known sentences that yet
were every time fresh and surprising, was an unshareable secret.
Meanwhile the presence of the little book exorcised the everyday sense
of the winding off of days in an elaborate unchanging circle of toil.