But the hall was dark and the open dining-room door showed blank
darkness. She led the way in; she could not yet part from him and lose
the strange radiance surrounding herself. They ought to go forward now,
together, from this moment, shedding a radiance. To part was to break
and mar, forever, some essential irrecoverable glory. They sat side by
side on the sofa by the window. The radiance in which she sat crowned, a
figure visible to herself, recognisable, humble and proud and simple,
back in its Christian origin, a single weak small figure, transfixed
with light, dreadfully trusted with the searing, brightly gleaming dower
of Christian womanhood, was surrounded by a darkness unpenetrated by the
faint radiance the high street lamps must be sending through the thick
lace curtains. This she thought is what people mean by the golden dream;
but it is not a dream. No one who has been inside it can ever be the
same again or quite get out. The world it shows is the biggest world
there is. It is _outer_ space where God is and Christ waits. “I am very
happy, do you feel happy?” The small far-off man’s voice sounded out,
lost in the impenetrable darkness. Yet it was through him, through some
essential quality in him that she had reached this haven and starting
place, he who had brought this smiting descent of certainties which were
to carry her on her voyage into the unknown darkness, and since he could
not see her smile, she must speak.
“I think so,” she said gently. She must, she suddenly realised, never
tell him more than that. His happiness was, she now recognised, hearing
his voice, different to hers. To admit and acclaim her own would be the
betrayal of a secret trust. If she could dare to lay her hand upon him,
he might know. But they were too separate. And if he were to touch her
now, they would again be separated for longer than before, for always.
“Good-night,” she said, brushing his sleeve with the tips of her
fingers, “dear, funny little man.”
He followed her closely but she was soon away up the familiar stairs in
the darkness, in her small close room, and trying to chide herself for
her inadequate response, while within the stifling air the breath of
sunlit open spaces moved about her.