Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6
John Stuart Mill · en
Someone had come into the room, bringing a glow of life. She clung to
her playing; he need not know that she had been waiting for him. A
figure was standing almost at her side; with that voice he would
certainly be musical .... the sturdiness and the plaintiveness were like
the Russian symphonies; he could go to the Queen’s Hall; his being late
for the lesson had introduced music.... She broke off and turned to see
Sissie Bailey, waiting with sullen politeness to speak. Mr. Shatov was
out. He had gone out early in the afternoon and had not been seen since.
In Sissie’s sullenly worried expression Miriam read the Baileys’ fear
that they had already lost hold of their helpless new boarder. She
smiled her acceptance and suggested that he had met friends. Sissie
remained grimly responseless and presently turned to go. Resuming her
playing, Miriam wondered bitterly where he could have lingered, so
easily dropping his lesson. What did it matter? Sooner or later he was
bound to find interests; the sooner the better. But she could not go on
playing; the room was cold and black; horribly empty and still.... Mrs.
Bailey would know where he had set out to go this afternoon; she would
have directed him. She played on zealously for a decent interval, closed
the piano and went downstairs. In the dining-room was Sissie, alone,
mending a table-cloth.
To account for her presence Miriam enquired whether Mrs. Bailey were
out. “Mother’s lying down,” said Sissie sullenly, “she’s got one of her
headaches.” Miriam sympathised. “I want her to have the doctor; it’s no
use going on like this.” Miriam was drawn irresistibly towards Mrs.
Bailey, prostrate in her room with her headache. She went down the hall
feeling herself young and full of eager strength, sinking with every
step deeper and deeper into her early self; back again by Eve’s bedside
at home, able to control the paroxysms of pain by holding her small head
grasped in both hands; she recalled the strange persistent strength she
had felt, sitting with her at night, the happiness of the moments when
the feverish pain seemed to run up her own arms and Eve relaxed in
relief, the beautiful unfamiliar darkness of the midnight hours, the
curious sharp savour of the incomprehensible book she had read lying on
the floor by the little beam of the nightlight. She could surely do
something for Mrs. Bailey; meeting her thus for the first time without
the barrier of conversation; at least she could pit her presence and her
sympathy against the pain. She tapped at the door of the little room at
the end of the passage. Presently a muffled voice sounded and she went
in. A sense of release enfolded her as she closed the door of the little
room; it was as if she had stepped off the edge of her life, out into
the wide spaces of the world. The room was lit feebly by a small lamp
turned low within its smoky chimney. Its small space was so crowded that
for a moment she could make out no recognisable bedroom shape; then a