Interim : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 5 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Interim : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 5
John Stuart Mill · en
near Miriam's knees and holding her hands out towards the fire. It's all
over thought Miriam, she's failed.--I've got ever so many things to tell
you. I want to ask your advice--Remember I've never even seen him argued
Miriam automatically, figuring the surroundedness, the sudden
realization and fear, the recapturing of liberty, the hidden polite
determined retreat.--Oh, but you always understand. Wait till we can
talk she sighed rising from her knees, and kissing Miriam's forehead. It
was all over. Grace was clinging to some "reasonable" explanation of
some final thing. She cast about in her mind for something from her own
scattered circumstances to feed their talk when it should come. She
would have to induce Grace to turn away and go on ... the end of the
long history of faithfully remembered details would be a relief ...
the delicate depths of their intercourse would come back ... its reach
backwards and forwards; and yet without anything in the background ...
it seemed as if always something were needed in the background to give
the full glow to every day ... she must be made to see the real face of
the circumstance and then to know and to feel that she was not forlorn;
that the glow was there ... first to brush away the delusion
ruthlessly ... and then let the glow come back, begin to come back,
from another source.
7
Left alone with silence all along the street, Christine inaudible in the
kitchen, dead silence in the house, Miriam gathered up her blouse and
ran upstairs. As she passed through the changing lights of the passage,
up the little dark staircase past the turn that led to the little
lavatory and the little bathroom and was bright in the light of a small
uncurtained lattice, on up the four stairs that brought her to the
landing where the opposing bedroom doors flooded their light along the
strip of green carpet between the polished balustrade and the high
polished glass-doored bookcase, scenes from the future, moving in
boundless backgrounds came streaming unsummoned into her mind, making
her surroundings suddenly unfamiliar ... the past would come again....
Inside her room--tidied until nothing was visible but the permanent
shining gleaming furniture and ornaments; only the large box of matches
on the corner of the mantlepiece betraying the movement of separate
days, telling her of nights of arrival, the lighting of the gas, the
sudden light in the frosted globe preluding freedom and rest, bringing
the beginning of rest with the gleam of the fresh quiet room--she found
the nearer past, her years of London work set in the air, framed and
contemplable like the pictures on the wall, and beside them the early
golden years in snatches, chosen pictures from here and there,
communicated, and stored in the loyal memory of the Brooms. Leaping in
among these live days came to-day ... the blouse belonged to the year
that was waiting far off, invisible behind the high wall of Christmas.