great staircase, the many large closed doors, the lonely obscurity of
her empty top floor. What had come now was the fulfilment of the
apprehension she had had when Mrs. Bailey had spoken the word boarders.
Here they were. They would come and go and go up and downstairs from
their bedrooms to that dining-room where the disturbing disclosure had
been made and the unknown drawing-room.... Perhaps it would be a
failure. She could not imagine Mrs. Bailey and the two vague furtive
children in skimpy blue serge dresses dealing with the young Norwegian
gentleman. He would not stay.... If boarders failed Mrs. Bailey might
give up the house altogether.... She found herself sitting in her
outdoor things with the large volume heavy on her knees in the middle of
the room. She felt too languid and miserable to get up and take the
small chair and the large book to the table and began wretchedly turning
the pages with her gloved hands. Here it was. She glanced through the
long article, reading passages here and there. There seemed to be
nothing more; she had gathered the gist of it all in glancing through it
at Wimpole Street. There was no need to have brought it home. It was
quite clear that she belonged to the lymphatico-nervous class. It was
the worst of the four classes of humanity. But all the symptoms were
hers.... She read once more the account of the nervo-bilious type. It
was impossible to fit into that. Those people were dark and sanguine and
energetic. It was very strange. Having bilious attacks and not having
the advantages of the bilious temperament. It meant having the worst of
everything. No energy no initiative no hopefulness no resisting power;
and sometimes bilious attacks. She was useless; an encumbrance; left out
of life forever, because it was better for life to leave her out.... She
sat staring at the shabby panels of her wardrobe, hating them for their
quiet merciless agreement with her thoughts. To stop now and come to an
end would be a relief. But there was nothing anywhere that would come in
and end her. Why did life produce people with lymphatico-nervous
temperaments? Perhaps it was the explanation of all she had suffered in
the past; of the things that had driven her again and again to go away
and away, anywhere. She wrenched herself away from her thoughts and
flung forward to the sense of sunshine, sudden beautiful things,
unreasonable secret happiness, waiting somewhere beyond the blackness,
to come again. But it would be mean to take them. She brought nothing to
anybody. She had no right to anything. She ought to be branded and go
about in a cloak.... There was no one in the world who would care if she
never appeared anywhere again. She sat shrinking before this thought. It
was the plain and simple truth. Nothing that any kind and cheerful
person might say could alter it. It would only make it worse. She
wondered that she had never put it to herself before. It must always
have been there since her mother's death.