Interim : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 5 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Interim : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 5
John Stuart Mill · en
At the end of the afternoon she wandered forgetfully into the warmth of
the empty waiting-room. The house was silent. Her footsteps made no
sound along the carpeted hall and were lost in the thick Turkey
carpeting of the waiting-room floor. The room was lit only by the
firelight. From its wide clear core striped by black bars a broad
rose-gold shaft glowed out across the room reaching the copper vessels
on the black oak sideboard and the lower part of the long mirror between
the windows where the midmost piece of copper gleamed in reflection. She
stood still, holding the warm air in her nostrils, everything was
blotted out and then restored to its place ... what place, why was it
good, what was she trying to remember?... In the familiar fire-lit
winter darkness was a faint dry warm scent ... mimosa. It was a
repetition.... It had been there last year, suddenly; drily fragrant
in the winter darkness of the warm room preparing for the light and
warmth of the evening. It had seemed then like some wealthy
extravagance, bringing a sense of the freedom of wealth to have things
out of season, and a keen sudden memory in the dark London room of the
unspoken inexpressible beauty of Newlands ... its soft-toned softly
carpeted and curtained effect, fragrant with clusters of winter flowers,
standing complete somewhere in the secret black spaces of her mind....
But now here it was again, just at the same moment, just before the
winter darkness began to give way. Perhaps mimosa came at this time of
year suddenly in the shops, before the spring flowers, and careful
people like Mrs. Orly could buy it ... then in London mimosa was the
sign of _spring_. It was like the powdery fragrance of a clear warm
midsummer evening, like petal-dust; pollen-dust; the whole summer
circling in the glow of firelight. Then Eve would not come this winter.
The darkest secret winter-time of London was over again. It would come
again in single moments and groups of days, but its time was gone. The
moment of realisation of spring had come by surprise; there lay all the
spring days ahead leading on to summer spread out for anyone to see,
calling to Eve or to anyone who might have come into the room to whom
one could have said doesn't the smell of mimosa make you realise the
winter is over; and here within, lit up as if by a suddenly switched on
electric light was one's own real realisation going back and back; in
pictures that grew clearer, each time something happened that switched
on a light within the black spaces of your mind. Things that no one
could share, coming again and again just as some outside thing was
beginning to interest you, as if to _remind_ you that the inmost reality
comes to you when you are alone.... The prospect of Eve's coming was
changed. The pang of the mimosa came nearer than anything she could
bring. Perhaps it would be possible to tell her about this moment?
Perhaps her coming had made it more real. Yet now it did not seem to