Joe Miller's Jests, or The Wits Vade-Mecum — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Joe Miller's Jests, or The Wits Vade-Mecum
John Stuart Mill · en
179. A Person who had an unmeasurable Stomach, coming to a Cook's Shop
to dine, said, it was not his Way to have his Meat cut, but to pay
8_d._ for his _Ordinary_; which the Cook seem'd to think reasonable
enough, and so set a Shoulder of Mutton before him, of half a Crown
Price, to cut where he pleas'd; with which he so play'd the Cormorant,
that he devour'd all but the Bones, paid his _Ordinary_, and troop'd
off. The next Time he came, the Cook casting a Sheep's Eye at him,
desired him to agree for his Victuals, for he'd have no more
_Ordinaries_. Why, a Pox on you, says he, _I'm sure I paid you an_
Ordinary _Price_.
180. The extravagant Duke of _Buckingham [Villars]_ once said in a
melancholy Humour, he was afraid he should _die a Beggar_, which was
the most terrible Thing in the World; upon which a Friend of his
Grace's replyed, No, my Lord, there is a more terrible Thing than that,
and which you have Reason to fear, and that is, _that you'll live a
Beggar_.
181. The same Duke another Time was making his Complaint to Sir _John
Cutler_, a rich Miser, of the Disorder of his Affairs, and asked him,
what he should do to prevent the Ruin of his Estate? _Live as I do, my
Lord_, said Sir _John: That I can do_, answered the Duke, _when I am_
ruined.
182. At another Time, a Person who had long been a Dependant on his
Grace, begged his Interest for him at Court, and to press the Thing
more home upon the Duke, said, _He had no Body to depend on but God and
his Grace; then_, says the Duke, _you are in a miserable Way, for you
could not have pitch'd upon any two Persons who have less Interest at
Court_.
183. The old Lord _Strangford_ taking a Bottle with the Parson of the
Parish, was commending his own Wine: _Here, Doctor_, says he, _I can
send a couple of Ho--Ho--Ho--Hounds to_ France (for his Lordship had an
Impediment in his Speech) _and have a Ho--Ho--Ho--Hogshead of this
Wi--Wi--Wi--Wine for 'em; What do you say to that, Doctor? Why_, I say,
_your Lordship has your Wine-Dog-cheap_.