Joe Miller's Jests, or The Wits Vade-Mecum — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Joe Miller's Jests, or The Wits Vade-Mecum
John Stuart Mill · en
15. A Lady being asked how she liked a Gentleman's Singing, who had a
very _stinking Breath_, the Words are good, said she, but the _Air_ is
intolerable.
16. The late Mrs. _Oldfield_ being asked if she thought Sir _W. Y._
and Mrs. _H----n_, who had both stinking Breaths, were marry'd: I
don't know, said she, whether they are marry'd; but I am sure there is
a _Wedding_ between them.
17. A Gentleman saying something in Praise of Mrs. _G----ve_, who
is, without Dispute, a good Player, tho' exceeding saucy and exceeding
ugly; another said, her Face always put him in mind of _Mary-Bone
Park_, being desired to explain himself, he said, it was vastly _rude_
and had not one Bit of _Pale_ about it.
18. A pragmatical young Fellow sitting at Table over-against the learned
_John Scot_, asked him what difference there was between _Scot_ and
_Sot_: _Just the Breadth of the Table_, answered the other.
19. Another Poet asked _Nat Lee_ if it was not easy to write like a
_Madman_, as he did: No, answered _Nat_, but it is easy to write like a
_Fool_ as you do.
20. _Colley_, who, notwithstanding his _Odes_, has now and then said
a good Thing, being told one Night by the late Duke of _Wharton_, that
he expected to see him _hang'd_ or _beggar'd_ very soon, by G--d, said
the Laureat, if I had your Grace's _Politicks_ and _Morals_ you might
expect _both_.
21. Sir _Thomas More_, for a long Time had only Daughters, his Wife
earnestly praying that they may have a Boy, at last they had a _Boy_,
who when he came to Man's Estate, proved but simple; _thou prayedst so
long for a Boy_, said Sir _Thomas_ to his Wife, _that at last thou hast
got one who will be a Boy as long as he lives_.
22. The same Gentleman, when Lord Chancellor being pressed by the
Counsel of the Party, for a _longer day_ to perform a Decree, said,
_Take St._ Barnaby's _Day, the longest in the Year_; which happened to
be the next Week.
23. This famous Chancellor, who preserved his Humour and his Wit to the
last Moment, when he came to be executed on _Tower-Hill_, the Heads-man
demanded his _upper Garment_ as his Fee; ay, Friend, said he, taking
off his _Cap_, That I think is my _Upper-Garment_.
24. The Great _Algernoon Sidney_ seemed to shew as little Concern at
his Death, he had indeed got some Friends to intercede with the King
for a Pardon; but when he was told, that his Majesty could not be
prevailed upon to give him his Life, but that in Regard to his ancient
and noble Family, he would remit Part of his Sentence, and only have
his Head cut off; nay, said he, if his Majesty is resolved to have my
_Head_ he may make a Whistle of my _A----_ if he pleases.