213. When the Lord _Jefferies_, before he was a Judge, was pleading at the Bar once, a Country Fellow giving Evidence against his Client, push'd the Matter very home on the Side he swore of; _Jefferies_, after his usual Way, call'd out to the Fellow, _Hark you, you Fellow in the Leather-Doublet, what have you for swearing?_ To which the Countryman smartly reply'd, _Faith, Sir, if you have no more for Lying than I have for Swearing, you may go in a Leather Doublet too_. 214. The same _Jefferies_ afterwards on the Bench, told an old Fellow with a long Beard, that _he supposed he had a Conscience as long as his Beard: Does your Lordship_, replies the old Man, _measure Consciences by Beards? if so, your Lordship has no Beard at all._ 215. _Apelles_, the famous Painter, having drawn the Picture of _Alexander_ the Great on Horseback, brought it and presented it to that Prince, but he not bestowing that Praise on it, which so excellent a Piece deserv'd, _Apelles_ desired a living Horse might be brought; who mov'd by Nature fell a prancing and neighing, as tho' it had actually been his living Fellow-Creature; whereupon _Apelles_ told _Alexander, his Horse understood Painting better than himself_. 216. An old Gentleman who had married a fine young Lady, and being terribly afraid of Cuckoldom, took her to Task one Day, and ask'd her, if she had considered what a crying Sin it was in a Woman to cuckold her Husband? _Lord, my Dear_, says she, _what d'ye mean? I never had such a Thought in my Head, nor never will_: _No, no_, replied he, _I shall have it in my Head, you'll have it some where else_. 217. The late Lord _Dorset_, in a former Reign, was asking a certain Bishop, _why he conferr'd Orders on so many Blockheads_. _Oh, my Lord_, says he, 'tis better the Ground should be plowed _by Asses, than lie quite untill'd_. 218. A certain Lady, to excuse herself for a Frailty she had lately fallen into, said to an intimate Friend of hers, _Lord, how is it possible for a Woman to keep her Cabinet unpickt, when every Fellow has got a Key to it_. 219. Mr. _Dryden_, once at Dinner, being offered by a Lady the Rump of a Fowl, and refusing it, the Lady said, Pray, Mr. _Dryden_, take it, the Rump is the best Part of the _Fowl_; Yes, Madam, says he, and so I think it is of the _Fair_. 220. A Company of Gamesters falling out at a Tavern, gave one another very scurvy Language: At length those dreadful Messengers of Anger, the Bottles and Glasses flew about like Hail-Shot; one of which mistaking it's Errand, and hitting the Wainscot, instead of the Person's Head it was thrown at, brought the Drawer rushing in, who cry'd, _D'ye call Gentlemen?_ _Call Gentlemen_, says one of the Standers by; _no they don't call_ Gentlemen, _but they call one another_ Rogue _and_ Rascal, _as fast as they can_.