1096. A fellow whose name was Hog was convicted of felony before Lord Bacon, then judge of assize; he used several unimportant arguments with his lordship before sentence was pronounced, and, none prevailing, he told him he was near of kin to him. How, to me? said the judge. Yes, answered the fellow, for your name is Bacon, and mine is Hog. Oh! then, replied his lordship, you will never be good Bacon till you are hanged. 1097. One being at supper at a friend’s house, (it chanced that there was mutton and capers for supper,) fell into a discourse upon dancing, saying, that he loved it better than any other kind of recreation. By and bye, taking notice of the capers, which he had never seen before, took one upon his trencher, cut it in the middle, and put the half of it in his mouth. The master of the house observing it, said, Sir, it seems you do love dancing well, when you cannot forbear cutting a caper at supper. 1098. Scriveners must be hard-hearted men, said Lord Adolphus F. Why? Since they never rejoice more than when they put other men in bonds. 1099. An ignorant drunken surgeon, that had killed most of his patients, boasted himself a better man than the parson; For, said he, your cures maintain but yourself, but my cures maintain all the sextons in the town. 1100. One threatened to break another’s head with a stone. Don’t try, said Lord Alvanley, you will hurt the stone. 1101. A patient man being domineered over by his wife, who was always ill-treating him, desired her to tear his band, for he would gladly wear it without cuffs. 1102. One said to his friend that had been speaking, I love to hear a man talk nonsense. The other answered, I know you love to hear yourself talk as well as any man. 1103. One asked the reason why lawyers’ clerks wrote such wide lines. Another answered, it was done to keep the peace; for if the plaintiff should be in one line and the defendant in the next, the lines being too near together, they might fall together by the ears. 1104. One hearing a usurer say he had been on the Peak of Teneriffe, asked him why he had not stayed there, for he was persuaded he would never get so near heaven again. 1105. One having drunk a cup of very flat beer, declared that the beer was more than foxed. Upon being asked his reason, he declared, it was dead drunk. 1106. One saw a man and his wife fighting; the people asked him, why he did not part them. He answered, That he was too well bred to part man and wife. 1107. One seeing another wear a threadbare cloak, asked him, whether his cloak was not sleepy? Why do you ask? said his friend. Because, I am sure it has not had a nap this seven years.