186. One making a furious assault upon a hot apple pie, burned his mouth until the tears ran down, his friend asked him, Why he wept? Only, said he, because it is just come into my mind, that my grandmother died this day twelvemonth. Phoo, said the other, is that all? so whipping a large piece into his mouth, he quickly sympathized with his companion; who seeing his eyes brim full, with a malicious sneer, asked him why he wept? Because you were not hanged the same day your grandmother died. 187. A lady who had married a gentleman that was a tolerable poet, one day sitting alone with him, she said, Come, my dear, you write upon other people, prithee write something for me; let me see what epitaph you’ll bestow upon me when I die. Oh, my dear, replied he, that’s a melancholy subject, prithee don’t think of it. Nay, upon my life you shall, adds she. Come, I’ll begin― Here lies Bid- To which he answered, Ah! I wish she did. 188. A cowardly servant having been hunting with his lord, they had killed a wild boar; the fellow seeing the boar stir, betook himself to a tree; upon which his master called to him, and asked him What he was afraid of? the boar’s guts are out. No matter for that, said he, his teeth are in. 189. One telling another that he had once so excellent a gun, that it went off immediately upon a thief’s coming into the house, although it was not charged. How the devil can that be? said the other. Because, said the first, the thief carried it off; and what was worse, before I had time to charge him with it. 190. Some gentlemen coming out of a tavern pretty merry, a link-boy cried, Have a light, gentlemen? Light yourself to the devil, you dog, said one of the company. Bless you, master, replied the boy, we can find the way in the dark; shall we light your worship thither? 191. A person was once tried at Kingston before the late Lord Chief Justice Holt, for having two wives, where one Unit was to have been the chief evidence against him. After much calling for him, word was brought that they could hear nothing of him. No! says his lordship, why then, all I can say is, Mr. Unit stands for a cipher. 192. It is certainly the most transcendent pleasure to be agreeably surprised with the confession of love from an adored mistress. A young gentleman, after a very great misfortune, came to his mistress, and told her, he was reduced even to the want of five guineas. To which she replied, I am glad of it, with all my heart. Are you so, madam? adds he, suspecting her constancy: Pray, why so? Because, said she, I can furnish you with five thousand. 193. On a public night of rejoicing, when bonfires and illuminations were made, some honest fellows were drinking the king’s health, and prosperity to England as long as the sun and moon endured. Ay, says one, and 500 years after, for I have put both my sons apprentices to a tallow-chandler.