201. A butcher in Smithfield, that lay on his death-bed, said to his wife, My dear, I am not a man for this world, therefore I advise you to marry our man John. Oh, dear husband, said she, if that’s all, never let it trouble you, for John and I have agreed that matter already. 202. A gentleman having bespoke a supper at an inn, desired his landlord to sup with him. The host came up, and thinking to pay a greater compliment than ordinary to his guest, pretended to find fault with the laying the cloth, and took the plates and knives, and threw them down stairs. The gentleman resolving not to balk his humour, threw the bottles and glasses down also; at which the host being surprised, inquired the reason of his so doing. Nay, nothing, replied the gentleman; but when I saw you throw the plates and knives down stairs, I thought you had a mind to sup below. 203. A philosopher carrying something hid under his cloak, an impertinent person asked him what he had under his cloak? To which the philosopher answered, I carry it there that you might not know. 204. When his late majesty, in coming from Holland, happened to meet with a violent storm at sea, the captain of the yacht cried to the chaplain, In five minutes more, doctor, we shall be with the Lord. The Lord forbid, answered the doctor. 205. A gentleman, who had been a great traveller, would oftentimes talk so extravagantly of the wonderful things he had seen abroad, that a friend of his took notice to him of his exposing himself as he did to all companies, and asked him the meaning of it? Why, says the traveller, I have got such a habit of lying since I have been abroad, that I really hardly know when I lie, and when I speak truth; and should be very much obliged to you, if you would tread upon my toe at any time when I am likely to give myself too much liberty that way. His friend promised he would; and accordingly, not long after, being at a tavern with him and other company, when the traveller was, amongst other strange things, giving an account of a church he had seen in Italy, that was above two miles long, he trod on his toe, just as one of the company had asked, How broad that same church might be? Oh, said he, not above two feet. Upon which, the company bursting into a loud laugh; Zounds, said he, if you had not trod upon my toe, I should have made it as broad as it was long. 206. A justice of peace seeing a parson on a very stately horse, riding between London and Hampstead, said to some gentlemen who were with him, Do you see what a beautiful horse that proud parson has got? I’ll banter him a little. Doctor, said he, you don’t follow the example of your great master, who was humbly content to ride upon an ass. Why really, sir, replied the parson, the king has made so many asses justices, that an honest clergyman can hardly find one to ride, if he had a mind to.