Meleager : $b A fantasy — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Meleager : $b A fantasy
John Stuart Mill · en
I was still absorbed in watching this phenomenon of the disunion of
body and bones with complete unconcern, when my nimble imagination
suddenly darted into a diverse channel of speculation. From my present
medical or scientific abstraction I found myself sharply recalling
Benozzo Gozzoli's frescoes in the Campo Santo of Pisa, wherein are
depicted for the edification of the careless Christian the three stages
of human decay after death. It was a morbid but persistent theme, and
not only did I fail to exclude it from my unwilling brain, but other
paintings and representations equally or even more gruesome, such as
the decadent artists of the days of the later Medicean princes loved
to depict, arose to my prolific fancy. I recalled Zumbo's horrible
wax figures, exhibiting at once the loathsome corruption of the flesh
and the exquisite torments of hell-fire, wherewith a certain Tuscan
Grand Duchess was wont to stimulate to self-denying piety a mind
engrossed by the pomps of rank and riches. With these unwelcome but
spontaneous memories there now supervened a physical sensation that
was most repugnant. The room itself, despite the fresh sea breeze
and the cheerful sunshine, grew close and oppressive; there arose an
intolerable smell of putrefaction, the unmistakable bouquet of the
charnel-house; and this insidious encroaching odour filled my whole
being with a sense of disgust that I found impossible to expel.
Meanwhile in the mirror itself the process of disintegration was
advancing apace. At first I sought to ignore the changing tints of
the rotting flesh and the entry of the worms and other vermin of
the abandoned dead, and haply I might have succeeded in my mental
struggle, had it not been for the increasing and well-nigh overpowering
stench of the tomb which seemed to gather and enfold me in its dank
miasmatic embrace. The pure light of the sunlit room had yielded to
a dingy crepuscule, in which alone was plainly visible that accursed
rectangle of glass with its surface churning out horror upon horror
not only for the retina but also for the nostrils. And in the midst of
this dissolving creeping mutating picture of human corruption there
still shone out intact the feverish unfaded eyes that were stretched
wide with a blank despair. I searched and searched with questioning
dilated pupils their awful counterparts in the cruel glass, as though
I were striving to force them to surrender up their appalling secret.
At length I seemed to obtain the solution I sought yet dreaded to
receive: it was Finality. What I saw being enacted before me by proxy
was my own fate, my utter blotting out from the page of life, and not
a mere stage, painful and ugly doubtless, but nevertheless only an
intermediate stage to another phase of existence, as I had hitherto
devoutly held. At last I realised that my own appointed portion was
but this mean trilogy: the grave, corruption and nothingness; for the