Meleager : $b A fantasy — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Meleager : $b A fantasy
John Stuart Mill · en
Naturally, with such bitter matter for reflection, my equanimity was
liable to serious disturbance what time the sharp edge of this haunting
sense of a life's bankruptcy pricked my all-too-sensitive skin. At
such periods long-drawn fits of depression would invade me. Though
at first these would dissolve and would often leave a marked flow of
gaiety and hopefulness behind them, yet such attacks grew stronger
and more frequent, whilst the subsequent recovery was less ecstatic
in its nature. It was during one of these temporary obsessions of
brooding care that I encountered the one and only adventure of my life,
the adventure indeed that, in one aspect, terminated it, as I shall
presently relate. For I have only written thus much concerning my
interior state of mind and my physical health to impress on the reader
that, apparent failure as I was and void of all worldly success, yet I
still possessed the clear inner consciousness of mental powers that far
exceeded those of all my more fortunate acquaintances, and were perhaps
equalled amongst very few contemporary persons whatsoever. My call to
action came at last; the master hand at the eleventh hour put the rusty
machinery of my unique mind in motion; and I have answered to that
call, and am now employing for a worthy purpose those superior talents
that, not altogether by reason of my own laches, had so long lain idle.
* * * * *
One November evening in the year 19--, whilst under the shadow of one
of my recurring moods of melancholy, I made my way to the Café Royale
in Regent Street, where I sat down and ordered a glass of absinthe. And
here I may as well state that I am no drunkard, and that I have never
sought to dispel my fits of depression by the aid of the wine-cup.
Occasionally, however, I used to drink a glass of absinthe, as an
excuse for visiting this foreign tavern, this latter-day Petty France
in London, whose alien quality always tended to reduce my misery, for
I found relaxation in the gruff Continental voices of the guests, in
the sight and scent of the foreign liquors, in the garish Parisian
decorations of the long low room, and in the unceasing chink of the
dominoes on the marble-topped tables. I had already poured the ice-cold
water upon the thin tablet of sugar reposing on the silver sifter that
I had placed across the goblet, and was watching the clouded liquor
below assume the yellow and green tints of the peridot, when I noticed
a stranger enter the doorway, glance quickly round at the noisy crowd
assembled, and then seat himself deliberately in the vacant chair
opposite to me. With a languid interest I observed the new-comer,
trying to recall his face, which somehow seemed vaguely familiar to me.
As this personage is to figure presently as my liberator, my mentor, my
particular _deus ex machinâ_, I may as well describe him here to the
best of my ability. He was short, and a little inclined to stoutness;