Oberland : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 9 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Oberland : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 9
John Stuart Mill · en
Though still immersed in her theme Mrs. Harcourt was aware, when next
she glanced to punctuate a statement, if not exactly that instead of the
object she offered it was herself and her glance that was being seen—the
curious steeliness of its indignation—at least of divided attention, a
sudden breach in their collaboration; and immediately she came to the
surface, passing without pause to her full bell note, with an enquiry.
Hoping to please. But why hoping to please?
This abrupt stowing away of her chosen material might be a simple
following of the rules of her world; it suggested also the humouring of
a patient by a watchful nurse, and since she had the advantage of not
being in the depths of fatigue this perhaps was its explanation; but
much more clearly it spoke her years of marriage, of dealing with
masculine selfishness. And she was so swift, so repentant of her long,
enjoyable excursion, that it was clear she had suffered masculine
selfishness gladly. Neither understanding nor condemning. It had not
damaged her love and she had suffered bitterly when it was removed.
Suffering was pleading now in her eyes off their guard in this
to-and-fro of remarks that was a little shocking: the reverberation of a
disaster.
Now that it was clear that her charming behaviour from the first might
be explained by the attraction there was for her in a mannish mental
hardness, that she sought in its callousness both something it could
never give, as well as entertainment, and rest from perpetual feeling,
she ceased to be interesting. She herself made it so clear that she had
nothing to give. Offering her best help, what in the way of her world
would be most useful to one newly arrived, she was yet suppliant; and
afraid of failure, haunted by the fear of a failure she did not
understand and that was perhaps uniform in her experience.