Oberland : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 9 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Oberland : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 9
John Stuart Mill · en
She went into the little salon and there he was, rising to greet her,
with the look of a man penned within an office, the look upon his low
Italian brow of worry left over from his daily life. He looked common
too, common and ordinary—she wondered now that she could ever have
mistaken him for a musician wandered from Russia. But beside the
pathetic appeal of his commonness, supporting it, was the appeal of his
disarray, his obvious gladness and relief, like Michael coming back
after a last, final explanation and dismissal, saying impenitently: “You
whipped me yesterday, to-day you must not whip.” He was extraordinarily
like Michael in his belief in the essential irrelevance of anything a
woman may say.
It was his last evening in Oberland and the first time they had found
themselves alone together since the afternoons in the snowfields that
were now so clearly in his mind as he stood still turning over those
hopeless little old Swiss books, but turned towards her as she ensconced
herself in the chair from which so long ago she had watched Vereker at
the piano. Yet their life together had gone on. The grim little room was
full of it.
Again she had that haunting sense of being a collection of persons
living in a world of people always single and the same. Mrs. Harcourt,
she reflected as she said the books were like faded flowers, was
fastidiously selective and always one person, one unfaltering aspect.
Vereker, Eaden, all the others. Yet the lives she lived with each one
were sharply separated lives, separable parts of herself, incompatible.
The life she lived with Guerini, beginning unconsciously that first
evening when he had turned upon her throughout dinner his brown stare,
hurrying forward during their afternoons in the snow, ending with their
quarrel, begun again with the reproachful gaze he had sent across the
table on the evening of her truancy, had persisted during the
intervening time and was now marching off afresh on its separate way.
It was clear that these close questionings held not only the remains of
his surprise over the nature of the things that had separated them but
also his determination to try to see these things as she saw them. They
revealed much pondering, not over the things in themselves but over
their power with her, and presently it was clear that he meant to see
her again. She sat ensconced, considering him, measuring the slow
movement of his thoughts, the swiftness of the impressions he was
drawing from his attention to every inflection of her voice.