The first had come on the second occasion of her going with Minna to see Dr. Dieckel. Minna, as they were walking quietly along together had suddenly begun in a broken English which soon turned to shy, fluent, animated German, to tell about a friend, an _apotheker_, a man, Miriam gathered--missing many links in her amazement--in a shop, the chemist's shop where her parents dealt, in the little country town in Pomerania which was her home. Minna was so altered, looked so radiantly happy whilst she talked about this man that Miriam had wanted to put out a hand and touch her. Afterwards she could recall the sound of her voice as it was at that moment with its yearning and its promise and its absolute confidence, Minna was so certain of her happiness--at the end of each hurried little phrase her voice sounded like a chord--like three strings sounding at once on some strange instrument. And soon afterwards Emma had told her very gravely, with Clara walking a little aloof, her dog-like eyes shining as she gazed into the distance, of a "most beautiful man" with a brown moustache, with whom Clara was in love. He was there in the town, in Hanover, a hair-specialist, treating Clara's thin short hair. 16 Even Emma had a "jüngling." He had a very vulgar surname, too vulgar to be spoken; it was breathed against Miriam's shoulder in the half-light. Miriam was begged to forget it at once and to remember only the beautiful little name that preceded it. At the time she had timidly responded to all these stories and had felt glad that the confidences had come to her. Mademoiselle, she knew, had never received them. But after these confidences there were no more serious attempts at general conversation. 17 Miriam felt ashamed of her share in the hairdresser and the chemist. Emma's jüngling might possibly be a student.... She grieved over the things that she felt were lying neglected, "things in general" she felt sure she ought to discuss with the girls ... improving the world ... leaving it better than you found it ... the importance of life ... sleeping and dreaming that life was beauty and waking and finding it was duty ... making things better, reforming ... being a reformer.... Pater always said young people always wanted to reform the universe ... perhaps it was so ... and nothing could be done. Clearly she was not the one to do anything. She could do nothing even with these girls and she was nearly eighteen. Once or twice she wondered whether they ever had thoughts about things ... she felt they must; if only she were not shy, if she had a different manner, she would find out. She knew she despised them as they were. She could do nothing. Her fine ideas were no good. She did less than silly little Mademoiselle. And all the time Fräulein thinking she was talking and influencing them was keeping her ... in Germany. CHAPTER VI