Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million
John Stuart Mill · en
“Ladies?” said Pogue, with Western chivalry. “Well, not to any great
extent. They don’t amount to much in special lines of graft, because
they’re all so busy in general lines. What? Why, they have to. Who’s
got the money in the world? The men. Did you ever know a man to give a
woman a dollar without any consideration? A man will shell out his dust
to another man free and easy and gratis. But if he drops a penny in one
of the machines run by the Madam Eve’s Daughters’ Amalgamated
Association and the pineapple chewing gum don’t fall out when he pulls
the lever you can hear him kick to the superintendent four blocks away.
Man is the hardest proposition a woman has to go up against. He’s the
low-grade one, and she has to work overtime to make him pay. Two times
out of five she’s salted. She can’t put in crushers and costly
machinery. He’d notice ’em and be onto the game. They have to pan out
what they get, and it hurts their tender hands. Some of ’em are natural
sluice troughs and can carry out $1,000 to the ton. The dry-eyed ones
have to depend on signed letters, false hair, sympathy, the kangaroo
walk, cowhide whips, ability to cook, sentimental juries,
conversational powers, silk underskirts, ancestry, rouge, anonymous
letters, violet sachet powders, witnesses, revolvers, pneumatic forms,
carbolic acid, moonlight, cold cream and the evening newspapers.”
“You are outrageous, Ferg,” I said. “Surely there is none of this
‘graft’ as you call it, in a perfect and harmonious matrimonial union!”
“Well,” said Pogue, “nothing that would justify you every time in
calling Police Headquarters and ordering out the reserves and a
vaudeville manager on a dead run. But it’s this way: Suppose you’re a
Fifth Avenue millionaire, soaring high, on the right side of copper and
cappers.
“You come home at night and bring a $9,000,000 diamond brooch to the
lady who’s staked you for a claim. You hand it over. She says, ‘Oh,
George!’ and looks to see if it’s backed. She comes up and kisses you.
You’ve waited for it. You get it. All right. It’s graft.
“But I’m telling you about Artemisia Blye. She was from Kansas and she
suggested corn in all of its phases. Her hair was as yellow as the
silk; her form was as tall and graceful as a stalk in the low grounds
during a wet summer; her eyes were as big and startling as bunions, and
green was her favorite color.
“On my last trip into the cool recesses of your sequestered city I met
a human named Vaucross. He was worth—that is, he had a million. He told
me he was in business on the street. ‘A sidewalk merchant?’ says I,
sarcastic. ‘Exactly,’ says he, ‘Senior partner of a paving concern.’