The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The American Joe Miller: A Collection of Yankee Wit and Humor
John Stuart Mill · en
A Yankee gentleman, escorting a British friend around to view the
different objects of attraction in the vicinity of Boston, brought him
to Bunker's Hill. They stood looking at the splendid shaft, when the
Yankee said, "This is the place where Warren fell." "Ah!" replied the
Englishman evidently not posted up in local historical matters, "did
it hurt him much?" The native looked at him, with the expression of
fourteen Fourths of Julys in his countenance--"Hurt him!" said he, "he
was killed, sir." "Ah! he was, eh?" said the stranger, still eyeing
the monument, and computing its height in his own mind, layer by
layer; "well, I should think he would have been, to fall so far."
OUT-YANKEED.--26.
After the battle of Fredericksburg a little Yankee officer was talking
with one of our Alabama majors, who stood in that part of the field
where we had suffered most severely--dead men and horses, broken
cannon, and blown-up caissons being all around him. "You hurt us
powerful bad yesterday," said the Yankee. "Yes," replied the major,
drily. "Guess we hurt you some, too," rejoined the Yankee, looking at
the wrecks of humanity strewn about. "Didn't kill a man or a horse,"
said the major. The little Yankee looked up at the tall Confederate
for a moment, then at the dead men and horses on every side, and then
wheeled suddenly round and walked rapidly away, utterly astounded at
the cool manner in which the Alabamian had out-Yankeed the Yankees in
deliberate lying.
THE PRESIDENT'S VOICE.--27.
We got one darkie on the way out. He had never seen a cannon, and of
course did not know what it was. He stood beside one when they fired
it off, and I assure you Parry the clown never dropped as quick as he
did. His eyes rolled wildly, and he alarmingly called out: "Oh Lord!
hab mercy on dis poor chile. He am for de Union ebery time, sah." The
artillerymen might have been tied with straws. When they had got over
their laugh, they told him it was one of old Abe's guns. The nigger
said, "He hab a bery loud voice."
HOW A "COPPERHEAD" WAS SHAVED.--28.