I pray you let the drama halt while Chorus stalks to the footlights and
drops an epicedian tear upon the fatness of Mr. Hoover. Tune the pipes
to the tragedy of tallow, the bane of bulk, the calamity of corpulence.
Tried out, Falstaff might have rendered more romance to the ton than
would have Romeo’s rickety ribs to the ounce. A lover may sigh, but he
must not puff. To the train of Momus are the fat men remanded. In vain
beats the faithfullest heart above a 52-inch belt. Avaunt, Hoover!
Hoover, forty-five, flush and foolish, might carry off Helen herself;
Hoover, forty-five, flush, foolish and fat is meat for perdition. There
was never a chance for you, Hoover.
As Mrs. Parker’s roomers sat thus one summer’s evening, Miss Leeson
looked up into the firmament and cried with her little gay laugh:
“Why, there’s Billy Jackson! I can see him from down here, too.”
All looked up—some at the windows of skyscrapers, some casting about
for an airship, Jackson-guided.
“It’s that star,” explained Miss Leeson, pointing with a tiny finger.
“Not the big one that twinkles—the steady blue one near it. I can see
it every night through my skylight. I named it Billy Jackson.”
“Well, really!” said Miss Longnecker. “I didn’t know you were an
astronomer, Miss Leeson.”
“Oh, yes,” said the small star gazer, “I know as much as any of them
about the style of sleeves they’re going to wear next fall in Mars.”
“Well, really!” said Miss Longnecker. “The star you refer to is Gamma,
of the constellation Cassiopeia. It is nearly of the second magnitude,
and its meridian passage is—”
“Oh,” said the very young Mr. Evans, “I think Billy Jackson is a much
better name for it.”
“Same here,” said Mr. Hoover, loudly breathing defiance to Miss
Longnecker. “I think Miss Leeson has just as much right to name stars
as any of those old astrologers had.”
“Well, really!” said Miss Longnecker.
“I wonder whether it’s a shooting star,” remarked Miss Dorn. “I hit
nine ducks and a rabbit out of ten in the gallery at Coney Sunday.”
“He doesn’t show up very well from down here,” said Miss Leeson. “You
ought to see him from my room. You know you can see stars even in the
daytime from the bottom of a well. At night my room is like the shaft
of a coal mine, and it makes Billy Jackson look like the big diamond
pin that Night fastens her kimono with.”
There came a time after that when Miss Leeson brought no formidable
papers home to copy. And when she went out in the morning, instead of
working, she went from office to office and let her heart melt away in
the drip of cold refusals transmitted through insolent office boys.
This went on.
There came an evening when she wearily climbed Mrs. Parker’s stoop at
the hour when she always returned from her dinner at the restaurant.
But she had had no dinner.