The golden windmill, and other stories — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The golden windmill, and other stories
John Stuart Mill · en
It was some days later that he met his friend Jerry Lawson wandering up
there, with a terrier at his heels. Lawson was a sculptor, a queer chap,
whom most people thought a fanatic. Jerry blazed down on him:
“This is hell, Robin. Hell let loose. It could have been avoided. It’s
a trade war. At the back of it all is business, business, business. And
millions of boys will be sacrificed for commercial purposes. Our policy
is just as much at fault as—theirs. Look what we did at—”
For an hour he listened to the diatribe of Lawson, tremulously silent.
He had nothing to reply. He detested politics and the subtleties of
diplomacy. He had left school early owing to an illness which had
affected his heart. He had spent his life upon these downs and among
his books. He could not adjust the gentle impulses of his being to the
violent demands of that foreboding hour. When Lawson had departed, he had
sat there a long time. Was Lawson right?
He wandered home, determining that he would read more history, more
political economy; he would get to the root of “this dreadful business.”
He wanted to talk to Giles, to find out what he really thought, but
the radiant god seemed unapproachable; or rode roughshod over the
metaphysical doubts of his brother, and laughed. Giles had no misgivings.
His conscience was dynamically secure. Besides, there was “the mater.”
“When I go, Rob, you must do all you can to buck the mater up.” He had
looked so splendid when he said that, with his keen, strong face, alert
and vibrant, Robin had not had it in his heart to answer. And then had
come lonely days, reading news books and occasionally talking with
Lawson. When Giles went off to his training he spent more time with his
mother, but they did not discuss the dreadful thing which had come into
their lives. His mother became restlessly busy, making strange garments,
knitting, attending violently to the demands of the household. Sometimes
in the evening he would read to her, and they would sit trying to hide
from each other the sound of the rain pattering on the leaves outside.
He had not dared talk to her of the misgivings in his heart or of his
arguments with Lawson....
And then a vision came of a certain day in October. The wind was blowing
the rain in fitful gusts from the sea. He was in a sullen, perverse mood.
Watching his mother’s face that morning, a sudden fact concerning her had
come home to him. It had aged, aged during those three months, and the
gray hair on that distinguished head had turned almost white. He felt
within him a surging conflict of opposing forces. The hour of climacteric
had arrived. He must see it once and for all clearly and unalterably. He
had put on his mackintosh then and gone out into the rain. He walked up
to the long wall by Gray’s farm, where on a fine day he could see the
sea; but not to-day, it was too wet and misty; but he could be conscious
of it, and feel its breath beating on his temples.