The golden windmill, and other stories — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The golden windmill, and other stories
John Stuart Mill · en
Oh, Giles! Giles! was there ever any one so splendid, so radiant, so
uncrushable? His heart went out to his brother at that moment, and he
could not answer.
So closely were his own sympathies interwoven with the feelings of his
brother that he hardly noticed the moment of actual separation on the
platform. His heart was with Giles all the way up to London, then in the
train again, and upon the sea with him that night.
In his imagination, quickened by a close study of all the literature
he could get hold of on the actual conditions out there, he followed
his brother through every phase of his new life. He was with him at the
base, in rest camps, and in dug-outs, and more especially was he with him
in those zig-zagging trenches smelling of dampness and decay. On dark
nights he would hear the scuttle of rats dashing through the wet holes.
He would hear the shriek of shells, and the tearing and ripping of the
earth. He would start up and try to make his way through the slime of a
battered trench which always seemed to be crumbling, crumbling. In his
nostrils would hang the penetrating smell of gases that had the quality
of imparting terror. So vivid were his impressions of these things
that he could not detach his own suffering from that of his brother.
There were times when he became convinced that either he or Giles was a
chimera. One of them did not exist.... He seemed to stand for an eternity
peering through a slit in a mud wall and gazing at another mud wall,
and feeling the penetrating ooze of dying vegetation creeping into his
body. Above his head would loom dark poles and barbarous entanglements.
It was as though everything had vanished from the world but symbols of
fear and cruelty, which rioted insanely against the heavens, as though
everything that man had ever learnt had been forgotten and destroyed; and
he growled there in the wet earth, flaunting the feral passions of his
remote ancestry. And the cold!—the cold was terrible.... He remembered a
strange thing happening at that time. During some vague respite from the
recurring horror of these imaginings, he had, he believed, been walking
out through the meadows, when a numbness seemed to creep over his lower
limbs. He could not get back. He had lain helpless in a field when George
Carter, one of the farm hands, had found him and helped him home. He
had been very ill then, and his mother had sent for Doctor Ewing. He
could not remember exactly what the doctor said or what treatment he
prescribed, or how long he had lain there in a semi-conscious state, but
he vividly remembered hearing the doctor say one day: “It’s very curious,
madam. I was, as you know, out at the Front for some time with the Red
Cross, and this boy has a fever quite peculiar to the men at the Front.
Has he been out standing in the wet mud?” He could not remember what his
mother answered. He wanted to say: “No, no, it’s not I. It’s Giles,”
but he had not the strength, and afterwards wondered whether it were an