The Laughing Mill, and Other Stories — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Laughing Mill, and Other Stories
John Stuart Mill · en
Within about three paces of me he stopped, and passed his hand two or
three times through the black and white masses of his hair. He had the
air of trying to rouse himself from a mood of painful preoccupation. At
length he spoke in a faint, unaccented tone, like a voice heard far off.
"I want your sympathy," said he.
"Have we met before?" I asked, rather taken aback. "I really don't
remember--but I believe I've been half asleep, and am hardly awake yet."
He shook his head slowly, his black eyes curiously perusing my face.
"You have chosen an ill place to sleep in," he remarked after a pause.
"Many a year have I sought repose there--in vain."
"Indeed? Well, I came here quite by accident, and judging by the aspect
of the place, I shouldn't have supposed it would have been often
visited."
"You are right, few come hither now; but as many as do so are liable to
meet with me."
I looked more narrowly at my queer companion, and all at once the
thought struck me, the man is mad! Yes, it must be so. How otherwise
could the strangeness of his appearance, behaviour, and conversation be
accounted for? He did not look dangerous, probably he was incapable of
doing harm, and therefore permitted to wander about as he liked. In the
moral atmosphere of these ruins he was sensible of somewhat congenial
to his own forlornness, and hence haunted them rather than any
more cheerful spot. Certainly, this was an appropriate haunt for a
madman--for one whose mind had fallen into that ugliest chaos which was
once beauty and order. But I liked the spectacle of mental even less
than that of material decay; and though the poor gentleman had asked me
for my sympathy, I scarcely knew how to give it to him.
By I know not what faculty of divination, he appeared to suspect what
was passing in my mind.
"I am not mad," he said quietly, but with a tremor of the finely-cut
though irresolute lips. "I am not mad, I have passed beyond insanity.
Let me sit down here and talk to you. Nay--do not rise! Recline as you
were doing, and close your eyes if you will; I need only your ears."
While speaking thus he passed behind me, and apparently seated himself
at the foot of the oak-tree, outside of my range of vision. But no
sooner was he out of plain sight, than I was seized with an odd fantasy
that he had actually vanished into thin air, and that were I to look
round, I should not find him. His voice only was left, and even that now
seemed unearthly. Was it a human voice? and not rather the rustling of
leaves and the gurgling of water, translated by my feverish imagination
into weird speech?
"You were dreaming," resumed the voice; "what dreams had you of the
wheel?"