The mill house mystery — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill house mystery
John Stuart Mill · en
“Not the least doubt about it. Next winter, if all goes well, I think
I shall take Caryl with me if I go away.”
“You are longing to see him. Will you go in without preparing him? or
shall I tell him first?”
“Well, first I should like a little talk with you. Can you spare me
five minutes?”
“Oh, yes.”
She turned, and they walked in silence along the winding path,
bordered on one side by a well kept hedge which was as yet only
faintly green. He looked better and happier too, Rhoda thought, than
he had done in the old days at the Mill-house. Certainly he had then
led such a life of anxiety on account of his wife’s caprices and Jack
Rotherfield’s escapades that domestic tranquillity was out of the
question.
As the silence continued, Rhoda presently stole a glance at Sir
Robert, and found that he was looking at her intently.
“You have been very unfairly treated,” he said abruptly.
The blood rushed into her face.
“I have been very happy--with Caryl,” she answered in a whisper.
“Yes. But while you were at the Mill-house you had to suffer a great
deal, both from my wife and from me. Between the two of us the
situation, for a girl, must have been almost unendurable. But for your
feeling for Caryl you could not have borne it.”
“That’s all over now,” she said in a stifled voice. “I can remember
only the best part of it, your kindness, and Lady Sarah’s brilliant
charm.”
A shadow passed over his face.
“Yes,” he said solemnly. “That’s what I like to recollect. The best,
the brightest side.” He paused and then said abruptly:
“I’m afraid I was rather brutal to you on that last night, the
terrible night.”
Rhoda drew a long breath.
“Brutal! Oh, no. You couldn’t be that. You were cold, you even seemed
hard, but it was because you were not yourself, you
were--overwhelmed.”
He listened in silence, and there was a pause. They still walked along
the winding path, where there was just room for two, side by side.
“It wasn’t exactly that,” he said. “I have a confession to make, a
terrible confession.”
Rhoda’s cheeks blanched. What was he going to say?
“You were wounded, I suppose, that I went away without saying good-bye
to you, when you had been so good to my boy, so patient with my wife,
so conscientious for me?”
“Oh, pray don’t think about it. Of course, at such a time, after such
a tragedy----”
He cut her short.
“Tragedy! Yes, it was a tragedy. Can you guess, I wonder, what a
tragedy it was to me?”
“I think I can. Worshipping this lovely woman, in all her beauty and
charm, the effect upon you must have been stupendous, unimaginable.”
Sir Robert turned upon her suddenly, with a fire she had never before
seen shining in his eyes.
“That was not the worst part of it,” he said in a sonorous voice.
“What I was suffering from when that awful sight was suddenly
presented to my eyes was--self-reproach. Self-reproach so terrible, so
keen, that I could have cut off my right hand, drowned myself, shot
myself, in the depths of my own self-abasement.”