responsible for allowing him to remain there a moment after I knew
where he was. It was, therefore, with the deepest horror and confusion
that I rushed home with this news, only to find that it had outstripped
me, and that my mother, foreseeing the dangers which this death might
bring upon us, had succumbed to the shock, and lay, as you know, in a
most alarming condition herself. The perilous position into which we
were thrown by these two fatal occurrences necessitated a certain
confidence between my brother and myself. To watch our mother, and
stifle any unguarded expressions into which she might be betrayed, to
watch you, and when we saw it was too late to prevent your sharing our
secret, to make our hold upon you such that you would feel it to your
own advantage to keep it with us, was perhaps only pardonable in
persons situated as we were. But, Constance, while with Guy the feeling
that made this last task easy was one of selfish passion only, mine
from the first possessed a depth and fervency which made the very
thought of wooing you seem a desecration and a wrong. For already had
your fine qualities produced their effect, and in the light of your
high and lofty nature, my own past looked deformed and dark. And when
the worst came, and Rhoda Colwell's threats put a seemingly immovable
barrier between us, this love which had sprung up in a very nightmare
of trouble, only seemed to take deeper and more lasting root, and I
vowed that whether doomed to lifelong regret or not, I would live
worthy of you, and be in misery what I could so easily be in joy, the
man you could honor, if not love. That this hour would ever come I
dared not dream, but now that it has, can you, will you give me so much
as you have, and not give me more? I know I have no right to ask any
thing from you; that the secrets of our family are a burden which any
woman might well shrink from sharing, but if you do not turn from me,
will you turn from them? Love is such a help to the burdened, and I
love you so fondly, so reverently."
He was on his knees; his forehead was pressed against my arm. The
emotion which shook his whole body communicated itself to me. I felt
that whatever his past weaknesses had been, he possessed a character
capable of the noblest development, and, yielding to the longing with
which my whole being was animated, I was about to lay my hand upon his
head, when he lifted his face and, gazing earnestly at me, said:
"One moment; there is yet a cloud which ought to be blown away from
between us--Rhoda Colwell. I loved her; I sought her love; but once
gained, my eyes opened. I saw her imperfections; I felt the evil in her
nature. I knew if I married her, I should ruin my life. I left her. I
seemed to have no choice, for my love died with my esteem, and she was
not a woman to marry without love. Could I have done differently,
Constance?"