The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
“Father,” I said, “let him alone. It is true, what he says.”
He flung Jason from him with violence.
“Move a step,” he thundered, daring him, “and I’ll send you after
Modred!”
He came to me and took me gently by the shoulder.
“Renalt, my lad,” he said, “I am waiting to hear.”
I did not falter, or condone my offense, or make any appeal to them
whatsoever. The kind touch on my arm moved me so that I could have
broken into tears. But my task was before me and I could afford no
atom of self-indulgence, did I wish to get through it bravely.
As I had told my story to Jason, I told it now; and when I had
finished I waited, in a dead silence, the verdict. I could hear my
brother breathing thickly--expectantly. His fury had passed in the
triumph of his own abasement.
Suddenly my father put the hand he had held on my shoulder before his
face and a great sob coming from him broke down the stone walls of my
pride.
“Dad--dad!” I cried in agony.
He recovered himself in a moment and moved away; then faced round and
addressed me, but his eyes looked down and would not meet mine.
“Before God,” he said, “I think you are forgiven for a single impulse
we all might suffer and not all of us recoil from the instant after,
but I think that this can be no place for you any longer.”
Then he turned upon Dr. Crackenthorpe.
“You!” he cried; “you, man, who have heard it all, thanks to that
dirty reptile yonder! Do you intend to peach?”
The doctor pinched his wiry chin between finger and thumb, with his
cheeks lifted in a contemplative fashion.
“The boy,” he said, “is safe from any one’s malice. No jury would
convict on such evidence. Still, I agree with you, it’s best for him
to go.”
“You hear, Renalt?” said my father. “I’ll not drive you in any way, or
deny you harbor here if you think you can face it out. You shall judge
for yourself.”
“I have judged,” I answered; “I will go.”
I walked past them all, with head erect, and up to my room, where I
sat down for a brief space to collect my thoughts and face the future.
Hardly had I got hold of the first end of the tangle when there came a
knock at the door. I opened it and Zyp was outside.
“You fool!” she whispered; “you should have done as I told you. It’s
too late now. Here, take this. Dad told me to give it you”--and she
thrust a canvas bag of money into my hand, looking up at me with her
unfathomable eyes.
As I took it, suddenly she flung her arms about my neck and kissed me
passionately, once, twice, thrice, on the lips, and so pushed me from
her and was gone. And as I stood there came to my ears a faint wail
from above, and I said to myself doggedly: “It is a gull flying over
the house.”