The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
I had slept, on my road, respectively at Farnham and Guildford, where,
in either case, cheap accommodation was easily procurable, and foresaw
a difficulty, only greater in proportion, in finding reasonable
lodging in London during the time I was seeking work. Indifferently I
pictured this city to myself as only an elongated High street, with
ramifications more numerous and extended than those of the old burgh
that was my native town. I was startled, overwhelmed, dazed with the
black, aimless scurrying of those interwoven strings of human ants,
that ran by their thronging brick heaps, eager in search for what they
never seemed to find, or shot and vanished into tunnels and alleys of
darkness, or were attracted to and scorched up by, apparently, the
broad sheets of flame that were the shop windows of their Vanity Fair.
Moving amid the swarm from vision to vision--always an inconsiderable
atom there without meaning or individuality--always stunned and
stupefied by the threatening masses of masonry that hemmed me in, and
accompanied me, and broke upon me in new dark forms through every
vista and gap that the rank growth of ages had failed to block--the
inevitable sense grew upon me, as it grows upon all who pace its
interminable streets friendless, of walking in a world to which I was
by heavenly birthright an alien.
Near midnight, I turned into a gaunt and lonely square, where
comparative quiet reigned.
I had entered London by way of Waterloo bridge, as the wintry dusk was
falling over house and river, and all these hours since had I been
pacing its crashing thoroughfares, alive only to wonder and the cruel
sense of personal insignificance. As to a lodging and bed for my weary
limbs--sooner had Childe Roland dared the dark tower than I the
burrows, that night, of the unknown pandemonium around me. I had slept
in the open of the fields before now. Here, though winter, it hardly
seemed that there was an out-of-doors, but that the buildings were
only so many sleeping closets in a dark hall.
All round the square inside was a great inclosure encompassed by a
frouzy hoarding of wood, and set in the middle of the inclosure was
some dim object that looked like a ruined statue. Such by day, indeed,
I found it to be, and of no less a person than his late majesty, King
George the First. When my waking eyes first lighted on him, I saw him
to be half-sunk into his horse, as if seeking to shield himself
therein from the shafts of his persecutors, who, nothing discomposed,
had daubed what remained of the crippled charger himself with blotches
of red and white paint.