The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
He was warmly and decently clad, and I could only wonder at his choice
of bedroom. He read me in a look.
“I’ve a craving for experiences,” he said. “These aren’t my usual
quarters.”
“No,” I said; “I suppose not.”
“Nor yours?” he went on, with a keen glance at me.
To give my confidence to a stranger was an unwise proceeding, but I
was guileless as to the craft of great cities, and in this case my
innocence was in a manner my good fortune.
I told him that I was only yesterday from the country, after a three
days’ tramp, and how I was benighted.
“Ah,” he said. “Up after work, I suppose?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“Well,” said he, “let’s understand your capacities. Guess my age
first.”
“Forty,” said I, at a venture, for indeed he might have been that or
anything else.
“I’m 21,” he said. “Don’t I look it? We mature early in London here.
What do you think’s my business?”
“Oh, you’re a gentleman, aren’t you?” I asked, with some stir of
shyness.
“I’m a printer’s hand. That means something very different to you,
don’t it? Maybe you’ll develop in time. Where are you from?”
I told him.
“Ah,” he said. “You’ve a proverb down your way: ‘Manners makeyth man.’
So they may, as they construe it--a fork for the fingers and a pretty
trick of speech; but it’s the manners of the soul make the gentleman.
Do you believe in after-life?”
“Of course I do. Where do the ghosts come from otherwise?”
He laughed pleasantly, rubbing his chin in a perplexed manner, and
then I noticed that his fingers were stunted like a mechanic’s and
stained with printer’s ink.
“Old Ripley would fancy you,” he said.
“Who’s he?”
“My governor--printer, binder and pamphleteer, an opponent of all
governments but his own. He’s an anarchist, who’d like to transfer
himself and his personal belongings to some desert satellite, after
laying a train to blow up the earth with nitro-glycerin and then he’d
want to overturn the heavenly system.”
“He doesn’t sound hopeful.”
“No, he isn’t, but he’s fairly original for a fanatic. I wonder if
he’d give you work?”
“Oh, thanks!” I exclaimed.
“Nonsense; you needn’t mind him. He’s only gas. Unmixed with his
native air he wouldn’t be explosive, you know. I can imagine him a
very unprogressive angel. It’s notoriety he wants. Nothing satisfies
his sort in the end like a scaffold outside of Newgate with 40,000
eyes looking on and 12 guineas paid for a window in the ‘Magpie and
Stump.’”
“Are you----” I began, when he took me up with:
“His kind? Not a bit of it. I’m an idealist--a dreamer asking the way
to Utopia. I look about for the finger-posts in places like this. One
must learn and suffer to dream properly.”
“You can do that and yet have ugly enough dreams,” I said, with
subdued emphasis.
“That oughtn’t to be so,” he said, looking curiously at me. “Nightmare
comes from self-indulgence. Cosset your grievances and they’ll control
you. You must be an ascetic in the art of sensation.”