good society calls “enthusiasm,” something that will present motives in
an entire absence of high prizes; something that will give patience and
feed human love when the limbs ache with weariness, and human looks are
hard upon us; something, clearly, that lies outside personal desires,
that includes resignation for ourselves and active love for what is not
ourselves. Now and then that sort of enthusiasm finds a far-echoing
voice that comes from an experience springing out of the deepest need;
and it was by being brought within the long lingering vibrations of
such a voice that Maggie, with her girl’s face and unnoted sorrows,
found an effort and a hope that helped her through years of loneliness,
making out a faith for herself without the aid of established
authorities and appointed guides; for they were not at hand, and her
need was pressing. From what you know of her, you will not be surprised
that she threw some exaggeration and wilfulness, some pride and
impetuosity, even into her self-renunciation; her own life was still a
drama for her, in which she demanded of herself that her part should be
played with intensity. And so it came to pass that she often lost the
spirit of humility by being excessive in the outward act; she often
strove after too high a flight, and came down with her poor little
half-fledged wings dabbled in the mud. For example, she not only
determined to work at plain sewing, that she might contribute something
toward the fund in the tin box, but she went, in the first instance, in
her zeal of self-mortification, to ask for it at a linen shop in St
Ogg’s, instead of getting it in a more quiet and indirect way; and
could see nothing but what was entirely wrong and unkind, nay,
persecuting, in Tom’s reproof of her for this unnecessary act. “I don’t
like _my_ sister to do such things,” said Tom, “_I’ll_ take care that
the debts are paid, without your lowering yourself in that way.” Surely
there was some tenderness and bravery mingled with the worldliness and
self-assertion of that little speech; but Maggie held it as dross,
overlooking the grains of gold, and took Tom’s rebuke as one of her
outward crosses. Tom was very hard to her, she used to think, in her
long night-watchings,—to her who had always loved him so; and then she
strove to be contented with that hardness, and to require nothing. That
is the path we all like when we set out on our abandonment of
egoism,—the path of martyrdom and endurance, where the palm-branches
grow, rather than the steep highway of tolerance, just allowance, and
self-blame, where there are no leafy honours to be gathered and worn.