The Mill on the Floss — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Mill on the Floss
John Stuart Mill · en
“That would depend on what they didn’t like him for,” said Maggie,
laughing. “He might be very disagreeable. He might look at me through
an eye-glass stuck in his eye, making a hideous face, as young Torry
does. I should think other women are not fond of that; but I never felt
any pity for young Torry. I’ve never any pity for conceited people,
because I think they carry their comfort about with them.”
“But suppose, Maggie,—suppose it was a man who was not conceited, who
felt he had nothing to be conceited about; who had been marked from
childhood for a peculiar kind of suffering, and to whom you were the
day-star of his life; who loved you, worshipped you, so entirely that
he felt it happiness enough for him if you would let him see you at
rare moments——”
Philip paused with a pang of dread lest his confession should cut short
this very happiness,—a pang of the same dread that had kept his love
mute through long months. A rush of self-consciousness told him that he
was besotted to have said all this. Maggie’s manner this morning had
been as unconstrained and indifferent as ever.
But she was not looking indifferent now. Struck with the unusual
emotion in Philip’s tone, she had turned quickly to look at him; and as
he went on speaking, a great change came over her face,—a flush and
slight spasm of the features, such as we see in people who hear some
news that will require them to readjust their conceptions of the past.
She was quite silent, and walking on toward the trunk of a fallen tree,
she sat down, as if she had no strength to spare for her muscles. She
was trembling.
“Maggie,” said Philip, getting more and more alarmed in every fresh
moment of silence, “I was a fool to say it; forget that I’ve said it. I
shall be contented if things can be as they were.”
The distress with which he spoke urged Maggie to say something. “I am
so surprised, Philip; I had not thought of it.” And the effort to say
this brought the tears down too.
“Has it made you hate me, Maggie?” said Philip, impetuously. “Do you
think I’m a presumptuous fool?”
“Oh, Philip!” said Maggie, “how can you think I have such feelings? As
if I were not grateful for _any_ love. But—but I had never thought of
your being my lover. It seemed so far off—like a dream—only like one of
the stories one imagines—that I should ever have a lover.”
“Then can you bear to think of me as your lover, Maggie?” said Philip,
seating himself by her, and taking her hand, in the elation of a sudden
hope. “_Do_ you love me?”
Maggie turned rather pale; this direct question seemed not easy to
answer. But her eyes met Philip’s, which were in this moment liquid and
beautiful with beseeching love. She spoke with hesitation, yet with
sweet, simple, girlish tenderness.