The Mill on the Floss — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Mill on the Floss
John Stuart Mill · en
Wakem turned round fiercely, with a flushed face, letting his eye-glass
fall, and looking at his son with a savage expression for a moment, as
if he was ready to strike that daring feebleness from the stool. But he
threw himself into the armchair again, and thrust his hands into his
trouser-pockets, still looking angrily at his son, however. Philip did
not return the look, but sat quietly watching the point of his pencil.
“And do you mean to say, then, that you have had any acquaintance with
her since you came from abroad?” said Wakem, at last, with that vain
effort which rage always makes to throw as much punishment as it
desires to inflict into words and tones, since blows are forbidden.
“Yes; I saw a great deal of her for a whole year before her father’s
death. We met often in that thicket—the Red Deeps—near Dorlcote Mill. I
love her dearly; I shall never love any other woman. I have thought of
her ever since she was a little girl.”
“Go on, sir! And you have corresponded with her all this while?”
“No. I never told her I loved her till just before we parted, and she
promised her brother not to see me again or to correspond with me. I am
not sure that she loves me or would consent to marry me. But if she
would consent,—if she _did_ love me well enough,—I should marry her.”
“And this is the return you make me for all the indulgences I’ve heaped
on you?” said Wakem, getting white, and beginning to tremble under an
enraged sense of impotence before Philip’s calm defiance and
concentration of purpose.
“No, father,” said Philip, looking up at him for the first time; “I
don’t regard it as a return. You have been an indulgent father to me;
but I have always felt that it was because you had an affectionate wish
to give me as much happiness as my unfortunate lot would admit, not
that it was a debt you expected me to pay by sacrificing all my chances
of happiness to satisfy feelings of yours which I can never share.”
“I think most sons would share their father’s feelings in this case,”
said Wakem, bitterly. “The girl’s father was an ignorant mad brute, who
was within an inch of murdering me. The whole town knows it. And the
brother is just as insolent, only in a cooler way. He forbade her
seeing you, you say; he’ll break every bone in your body, for your
greater happiness, if you don’t take care. But you seem to have made up
your mind; you have counted the consequences, I suppose. Of course you
are independent of me; you can marry this girl to-morrow, if you like;
you are a man of five-and-twenty,—you can go your way, and I can go
mine. We need have no more to do with each other.”
Wakem rose and walked toward the door, but something held him back, and
instead of leaving the room, he walked up and down it. Philip was slow
to reply, and when he spoke, his tone had a more incisive quietness and
clearness than ever.