The Mill on the Floss — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Mill on the Floss
John Stuart Mill · en
“The pledge _can’t_ be fulfilled,” he said, with impetuous insistence.
“It is unnatural; we can only pretend to give ourselves to any one
else. There is wrong in that too; there may be misery in it for _them_
as well as for us. Maggie, you must see that; you do see that.”
He was looking eagerly at her face for the least sign of compliance;
his large, firm, gentle grasp was on her hand. She was silent for a few
moments, with her eyes fixed on the ground; then she drew a deep
breath, and said, looking up at him with solemn sadness,—
“Oh, it is difficult,—life is very difficult! It seems right to me
sometimes that we should follow our strongest feeling; but then, such
feelings continually come across the ties that all our former life has
made for us,—the ties that have made others dependent on us,—and would
cut them in two. If life were quite easy and simple, as it might have
been in Paradise, and we could always see that one being first toward
whom—I mean, if life did not make duties for us before love comes, love
would be a sign that two people ought to belong to each other. But I
see—I feel it is not so now; there are things we must renounce in life;
some of us must resign love. Many things are difficult and dark to me;
but I see one thing quite clearly,—that I must not, cannot, seek my own
happiness by sacrificing others. Love is natural; but surely pity and
faithfulness and memory are natural too. And they would live in me
still, and punish me if I did not obey them. I should be haunted by the
suffering I had caused. Our love would be poisoned. Don’t urge me; help
me,—help me, _because_ I love you.”
Maggie had become more and more earnest as she went on; her face had
become flushed, and her eyes fuller and fuller of appealing love.
Stephen had the fibre of nobleness in him that vibrated to her appeal;
but in the same moment—how could it be otherwise?—that pleading beauty
gained new power over him.
“Dearest,” he said, in scarcely more than a whisper, while his arm
stole round her, “I’ll do, I’ll bear anything you wish. But—one
kiss—one—the last—before we part.”
One kiss, and then a long look, until Maggie said tremulously, “Let me
go,—let me make haste back.”
She hurried along, and not another word was spoken. Stephen stood still
and beckoned when they came within sight of Willy and the horse, and
Maggie went on through the gate. Mrs Moss was standing alone at the
door of the old porch; she had sent all the cousins in, with kind
thoughtfulness. It might be a joyful thing that Maggie had a rich and
handsome lover, but she would naturally feel embarrassed at coming in
again; and it might _not_ be joyful. In either case Mrs Moss waited
anxiously to receive Maggie by herself. The speaking face told plainly
enough that, if there was joy, it was of a very agitating, dubious
sort.
“Sit down here a bit, my dear.” She drew Maggie into the porch, and sat
down on the bench by her; there was no privacy in the house.