The Millbank Case: A Maine Mystery of To-day — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Millbank Case: A Maine Mystery of To-day
John Stuart Mill · en
“Go!” she said, permitting no further utterance, now that he had
said what he had come to say. A passionate joy in her ability to
deal harshly with him, regardless of the personal risk to herself
in so doing, seized her. She had not subjected her line of action
to the scrutiny of judgment. For once thoroughly a woman, in that
she discarded the masculine caution which she had cultivated as a
habit, she gave head to instinct, which carried her past all doubt,
all weighing of chances, to the least dangerous course that, in her
situation, was open to her.
Almost an insane fury to send one final shaft that should sting in the
breast of this woman seized this man who, by all of his traditions,
should have held himself the better together, the farther his plans
miscarried. Moving toward the door, he cried:
“Shall I report to my employers--your sons?”
To this she had the single word, “Go!”
When he was gone, she did not break under the relaxation of strain; but
rather held herself more proudly, as if to do otherwise would be to
admit to herself, the most important individual concerned, the danger
in which she stood. Under the calm surface, raged a storm of irritable
impatience, aroused by the thought that time must elapse before she
could be called upon to face publicly the charges this man would make.
She wanted to do it, at this moment. It seemed as if she must rush
forth and cry:
“See; here am I--I, against whom this thing is charged! Look on me and
feast your eyes on me and roll the sweet morsel under your tongue! Of
course, you believe it; want to believe it; but I dare you to say other
than that it is a slander!”
If she could have done this, it seemed to her that she would have
happiness again; but to wait; not to know when the blow would fall; to
hold herself ready to meet it at any instant and to have no power to
hasten it,--that was the madness of the situation, that the terror it
had for her.
She rose and stood before a long mirror and looked at herself; as if
to see if this was a different manner of woman than she who had stood
there the day before. To her eyes, looking into the reflected depths of
the room, her own image was representative of the world, and in facing
it she seemed to taste something of that defiance of public knowledge
of the scandal for which she so longed.