The Miller Of Old Church — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Miller Of Old Church
John Stuart Mill · en
"But he's such a good man, and he preaches such beautiful sermons."
"He does--I know he does, but I love you a thousand times better."
"Oh, he loves me because I am pretty and hard to win--just as you do,"
she retorted. "If I lost my hair or my teeth how many of you, do you
think, would care for me to-morrow?"
"I should--before God I'd love you just as I do now," he answered with
passion.
A half mocking, half tender sound broke from her lips.
"Then why don't you--every one of you, fall head over ears in love with
Judy Hatch?" she inquired.
"I don't because I loved you first, and I can't change, however badly
you treat me. I'm sometimes tempted to think, Molly, that mother is
right, and you are possessed of a devil."
"Your mother is a hard woman, and I pity the wife you bring home to
her."
The softness had gone out of her voice at the mention of Sarah's name,
and she had grown defiant and reckless.
"I don't think you are just to my mother, Molly," he said after a
moment, "she has a kind heart at bottom, and when she nags at you it is
most often for your good."
"I suppose it was for my mother's good that she kept her from going to
church and made the old minister preach a sermon against her?"
"That's an old story--you were only a month old. Can't you forget it?"
"I'll never forget it--not even at the Day of Judgment. I don't care how
I'm punished."
Her violence, which seemed to him sinful and unreasonable, reduced him
to a silence that goaded her to a further expression of anger. While
she spoke he watched her eyes shine green in the sunlight, and he told
himself that despite her passionate loyalty to her mother, the blood of
the Gays ran thicker in her veins than that of the Merryweathers. Her
impulsiveness, her pride, her lack of self-control, all these marked her
kinship not to Reuben Merryweather, but to Jonathan Gay. The qualities
against which she rebelled cried aloud in her rebellion. The inheritance
she abhorred endowed her with the capacity for that abhorrence. While
she accused the Gays, she stood revealed a Gay in every tone, in every
phrase, in every gesture.
"It isn't you, Molly, that speaks like that," he said, "it's something
in you." She had tried his patience almost to breaking, yet in the very
strain and suffering she put upon him, she had, all unconsciously to
them both, strengthened the bond by which she held him.
"If I'd known you were going to preach, I shouldn't have stopped to
speak to you," she rejoined coldly. "I'd rather hear Mr. Mullen."
He stood the attack without flinching, his hazel eyes full of an angry
light and the sunburnt colour in his face paling a little. Then when she
had finished, he turned slowly away and began tightening the feed strap
of the mill.
For a minute Molly paused on the threshold in the band of sunlight. "For
God's sake speak, Abel," she said at last, "what pleasure do you think I
find in being spiteful when you won't strike back?"