The Senator's Bride — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Senator's Bride
John Stuart Mill · en
"I do believe you," he answered, quietly, "and am glad you came,
though I can tell you nothing satisfactory. The patient has slept all
day--still sleeps---- he will awaken to life or death. We are only
waiting."
"Waiting!" That word chilled the fiery, impulsive soul of Paul Winans
into a dumb horror. Waiting!--for what! To see his work completed. What
had he done? Taken in cold blood a human life that at this moment, in
his swift remorse and self-accusation, he would have freely given his
own to save; in the height of his jealous madness committed a deed from
which his calmer retrospection revolted in horror. He looked from one
to the other in pale, impotent despair. He had gone his length--the
length of human power and passion--now God's hand held the balance.
"Then, at least, you will let me wait," he said. "If he dies, I shall
surrender myself up to justice. If he lives, I shall all the sooner
know that I am not a murderer."
"You shall stay, certainly, and welcome," Willard said, cordially,
touched by the evident suffering of the other.
"Very well; I will sit here and wait, with thanks. I do not deserve
this kindness."
Lulu stole from the room, leaving them alone together, and resumed
her place up stairs. The patient slept calmly on, her mother placidly
watching him. Once or twice her brother looked quietly in, and as
quietly withdrew. There was something on his mind that must be spoken.
He turned once and looked at his companion as he sat upright in his
chair, still and pale almost as his victim lay up stairs.
"Winans," he said, slowly, "we have known each other for a long time,
and I knew your wife long before you ever met her, and knew her but to
reverence her as a pearl among women. Will you pardon me if I confess
to an interest in her that lends me to inquire frankly if you think you
are doing her justice?"
"Clendenon, I know that I am not. I know that I am unworthy of
her--pure, injured angel that she is--but what can I do? I dare not
remain near her. I should but make her miserable. It maddens me, in
my jealous bitterness, when I remember that young, fair, and sweet as
she was when I first met her, the pure page of her heart had already
been inscribed with the burning legend of a first love. Her first love
lost to me, her second only given to me, I cannot bear! When I can
overcome this fiery passion, and if Bruce Conway lives, I will return
to her--not till then."
"You are wrong, my friend--bitterly wrong. Think of what she suffers,
of the scandal, the conjecture that your course will create. You should
be her defender, not leave her defenseless to meet the barbed arrows of
caviling society. Return to your injured wife, Winans. Take the candid
advice of one who esteems you both. It is so hard on her. She suffers
deeply, I feel."
"Clendenon, hush! You madden me, and cannot shake my firm
resolve--would that I had never met her."