The Shadow of the Past — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Shadow of the Past
John Stuart Mill · en
"I am sorry you are going," Mrs Krige said presently. "I have so
enjoyed your visit. Your being here has made me a little hungry for my
own people. I haven't talked so much English for six years. It may be
years before I speak it again."
"I think," he returned, looking at her curiously, "you punish yourself
heavily."
He could not forget that it was from her mother Honor had learned her
bitter creed. He found it difficult to forgive that. Of all these
people whom he had met up here, so jealous of any infringement of the
rights of the Dutch, so zealous in support of their claim to a national
status, there was only one good patriot among them, and he was Herman
Nel. It was such men as Nel who would make South Africa a great
country.
Suddenly, while they walked towards the house, he found himself speaking
of his proposal to Honor, and her rejection of his suit.
"She has told you?" he finished.
"Yes," Mrs Krige admitted. "I am sorry about it. Honor will never
marry; she does not think of it. Since you've been here I've fancied at
times... But she isn't like most girls; she never gives it a thought."
"No," he answered almost fiercely, "because her mind is preoccupied.
She's obsessed with a sense of her wrongs, with a longing for revenge,
which she miscalls patriotism. Mrs Krige, I'd give the world to undo
the injury that has been done a young, impressionable, and beautiful
nature. Honor was made for love, and she puts love outside her life.
Her life holds other interests."
The slow tears gathered in Mrs Krige's eyes. "You are blaming me," she
said... "I know you blame me."
"I blame no one," he answered, and felt savage with himself for hurting
her to no purpose. "I'm feeling sore. This thing cuts, you see..."
"Yes," she said. "Yes--I know. I'm sorry."
She wiped her eyes quickly, unwilling that he should witness her
emotion, and added presently:
"If Honor had given a different answer I should have been glad."
They stepped on to the stoep in silence. Freidja was in the
living-room, superintending Koewe who was bringing in the breakfast.
She came to the window and admonished them good-naturedly.
"Ach! I don't know what is the matter with every one this morning," she
said. "The breakfast has been cooked a long time already, and only
myself to eat it. Andreas has not come in yet, and Oom Koos says he
will be ready just now--which means in about half an hour, perhaps.
Meanwhile the porridge cools, and the chops are burnt. What has got all
of you?"