The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
"Perhaps it is because he knows you are unlike the ordinary run of
women and have nothing in common with their usual trumpery aims. Of
course he is always courteous to our sex,--but I think it is easy to see
that his courtesy is often worn as a mere mask to cover a very different
feeling."
"You have perceived that, then, Sibyl?" I said with a slight smile.
"I should be blind if I had not perceived it"--she replied; "I do not
however blame him for his pet aversion,--I think it makes him all the
more attractive and interesting."
"He is a great friend of yours?" inquired Mavis, looking at me as she
put the question.
"The very greatest friend I have,"--I replied quickly--"I owe him more
than I can ever repay,--indeed I have to thank him even for introducing
me to my wife!"
I said the words unthinkingly and playfully, but as I uttered them, a
sudden shock affected my nerves,--a shock of painful memory. Yes, it was
true!--I owed to him, to Lucio, the misery, fear, degradation and shame
of having such a woman as Sibyl was, united to me till death should us
part. I felt myself turning sick and giddy,--and I sat down in one of
the quaint oak chairs that helped to furnish Mavis Clare's study,
allowing the two women to pass out of the open French window into the
sunlit garden together, the dogs following at their heels. I watched
them as they went,--my wife, tall and stately, attired in the newest and
most fashionable mode,--Mavis, small and slight, with her soft white
gown and floating waist-ribbon,--the one sensual, the other
spiritual,--the one base and vicious in desire,--the other pure-souled
and aspiring to noblest ends,--the one, a physically magnificent
animal,--the other merely sweet-faced and ideally fair like a sylph of
the woodlands,--and looking, I clenched my hands as I thought with
bitterness of spirit what a mistaken choice I had made. In the profound
egotism which had always been part of my nature I now actually allowed
myself to believe that I might, had I chosen, have wedded Mavis
Clare,--never for one moment imagining that all my wealth would have
been useless to me in such a quest, and that I might as well have
proposed to pluck a star from the sky as to win a woman who was able to
read my nature thoroughly, and who would never have come down to my
money-level from her intellectual throne,--no, not though I had been a
monarch of many nations. I stared at the large tranquil features of the
Pallas Athene,--and the blank eyeballs of the marble goddess appeared to
regard me in turn with impassive scorn. I glanced round the room,
and at the walls adorned with the wise sayings of poets and
philosophers,--sayings that reminded me of truths which I knew, yet
never accepted as practicable; and presently my eyes were attracted to a
corner near the writing-desk which I had not noticed before, where there
was a small dim lamp burning. Above this lamp an ivory crucifix gleamed