The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
was no doubt I was very ill;--these phantoms were the warning of
brain-disease. I must endeavour, I thought, to keep myself well under
control till I got to England,--there I determined to consult the best
physicians, and put myself under their care till I was thoroughly
restored.
"Meanwhile"--I muttered to myself--"I will say nothing, ... not even to
Lucio. He would only smile, ... and I should hate him! ..."
I broke off, wondering at this. For was it possible I should ever hate
him? Surely not!
That night by way of a change, I slept in a hammock on deck, hoping to
dispel midnight illusions by resting in the open air. But my sufferings
were only intensified. I woke as usual, ... to see, not only Sibyl, but
also to my deadly fear, the Three Phantoms that had appeared to me in my
room in London on the evening of Viscount Lynton's suicide. There they
were,--the same, the very same!--only this time all their livid faces
were lifted and turned towards me, and though their lips never moved,
the word 'Misery!' seemed uttered, for I heard it tolling like a funeral
bell on the air and across the sea! ... And Sibyl, with her face of death
in the coils of a silent flame, ... Sibyl smiled at me!----a smile of
torture and remorse! ... God!--I could endure it no longer! Leaping from
my hammock, I ran towards the vessel's edge, ... one plunge into the
cool waves, ... ha!--there stood Amiel, with his impenetrable dark face
and ferret eyes!
"Can I assist you sir?" he inquired deferentially.
I stared at him,--then burst into a laugh.
"Assist me? Why no!--you can do nothing. I want rest, ... and I cannot
sleep here, ... the air is too close and sulphureous,----the very stars
are burning hot! ..." I paused,--he regarded me with his usual gravely
derisive expression. "I am going down to my cabin"--I continued, trying
to speak more calmly----"I shall be _alone_ there ... perhaps!" Again I
laughed wildly and involuntarily, and staggered away from him down the
deck-stairs, afraid to look back lest I should see those Three Figures
of fate following me.
Once safe in my cabin I shut to the door violently, and in feverish
haste, seized my case of pistols. I took out one and loaded it. My heart
was beating furiously,--I kept my eyes fixed on the ground, lest they
should encounter the dead eyes of Sibyl.
"One click of the trigger--" I whispered--"and all is over! I shall be
at peace,--senseless,--sightless and painless. Horrors can no longer
haunt me, ... I shall sleep!"
I raised the weapon steadily to my right temple, ... when suddenly my
cabin-door opened, and Lucio looked in.
"Pardon me!" he said, as he observed my attitude--"I had no idea you
were busy! I will go away. I would not disturb you for the world!"
His smile had something fiendish in its fine mockery;--moved with a
quick revulsion of feeling I turned the pistol downwards and held its
muzzle firmly against the table near me.