The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"They told me you were dead," she said.
"I know."
"At first I wouldn't believe it. But you sent no word, and the years
passed... Oh, my dear! Oh, my dear! Why did you leave me like that?--
without a word or a sign from you all these years?"
"I will explain later," he answered, speaking as calmly as his emotion
permitted. "For the present you must just believe that it wasn't
altogether my fault. I was ill for a long time after I left home. It
was touch and go. If there is a purpose which governs our destinies, I
suppose there was some reason why I should live. Anyhow I pulled
through with all the odds against me. And again, when men were dying
all about me, my life was preserved--I know not why, nor for what. I
have no place in the world. I am just so much dust encumbering the
earth. My return is only a distress to you. I come back to find you
gone from me."
She hid her face in her hands and wept afresh. Gone from him! That was
how he saw it. She had not been faithful to his memory even.
"Tell me about yourself," she pleaded. "I want you to fill in the
blank. I want to know where you've been--all about everything. I don't
understand. Tell me."
"Not now--nor here," he said, rising. "It's a long story; and we should
be moving out of this. Can you walk as far as Jim's office? I think we
should be safer there."
As though reminded by his caution of the disturbance in the streets,
which the sight of him had driven temporarily from her thoughts, she
stood up and remained in an attentive attitude, listening to the din,
which penetrated to their quiet shelter with horrible distinctness. Men
were out there a few yards away, fighting and being injured, killed
perhaps, as she might have been but for Paul. She lifted frightened
eyes to his face.
"What is it?" she asked. "What is happening?"
"It's a riot," he answered. "The gaol will be overfull as a result of
this noisy disturbance. I hope some of the brutes will get shot."
"You saved my life, Paul," she said, looking at him gravely.
He made no answer to that. He went to the door and unfastened it and
looked out into the street. With the opening of the door the tumult
seemed to swell in volume, but the street itself was quiet; there was no
one within sight. He turned to her swiftly and took hold of her arm and
led her outside.
"There is nothing to be nervous about," he said. "We shan't meet a
soul. I came this way just before I saw you."
None the less, he carried his revolver in his hand, and hurried her up
the street, keeping a sharp look-out against surprise, until he got her
safely to Bainbridge's office. The room when they entered it was empty
as when he had left it, and showed no sign of its owner having been
there.