The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
She believed that it must be long past midnight. It had not as a matter
of fact struck twelve o'clock; and some one besides herself was awake,
had not yet gone to bed. She heard him go later; heard a stumbling step
going clumsily and heavily along the stoep. Through the thin walls the
noise of the footsteps was distinctly audible. She lay still on her
pillow and listened to them, her heart beating quickly and the pulses in
her temples throbbing like tiny hammers. A sick horror gripped her.
She knew, without seeing the man, who it was who thus disturbed the
silence, and, with the uncertain blundering step of a man under the
influence of drink, lurched heavily along the stoep to his room. He
made so much noise in getting there that she felt certain all the
occupants of the rooms he passed would wake and hear him.
Her cheeks burned with shame for him, and her heart was filled with a
great pity. What joy could he derive from this terrible misuse of life?
What a waste of his manhood and of his intellect!
With the cessation of the sounds a deeper hush than before seemed to
settle upon the night; even the crickets became less insistent: the
world slept; every one slept, save herself. She alone of all the
household kept wakeful vigil until the dawn broke, and brought with its
hopeful promise of a new day rest and forgetfulness to her weary brain.
Esme woke late, and had barely time to dress before the gong sounded for
breakfast. With a curious reluctance to meet again the man whose noisy
movements had disturbed her overnight, she went into the coffee-room and
seated herself at table. Hallam's seat was empty. It was still empty
when she rose at the finish of breakfast and went out on to the stoep
into the sunshine.
She was relieved that she had been spared the ordeal of meeting him, of
sitting beside him while the memory of last night was still so painfully
vivid in her thoughts. Her whole being shrank from witnessing his
degradation. He must feel, far more acutely than she felt for him, the
embarrassment of appearing in public, of meeting the criticism in
unsympathetic eyes.
She played tennis during the morning, and played badly; her heart was
not in the game, and the careless gaiety of her companions jarred on her
sober mood. They rallied her on her preoccupation, until she pleaded a
headache; when Sinclair, leaving the others to play singles, led her
away to a quiet corner in the garden where she could sit and rest.
He was glad to get her alone. He was leaving on the morrow, going back
to his job in a stuffy office in a dull little town.
"Uitenhage is about the sleepiest hole in South Africa," he grumbled.
"I think it is lovely," the girl returned. "I went there once when the
roses were in bloom."
"Oh! it's pretty enough. And it's handy to the Bay. I shall look you
up when you return--may I?"
"I shall be very pleased," she answered. "But you'll have to choose a
holiday. I am going back to my job too. I teach music."