The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"I am sorry I was insincere. You got me there. I didn't know you were
so observant. In future I'll be absolutely frank with you. I'll be
frank now, even if it angers you. I asked you to come out because I
think it is a shame for you to spend your evenings as you do. I think
it is a shame that you should waste your life. I'm not so much sorry
for you as savage with you. It's hateful in you. It's the one thing
which spoils you from being absolutely fine."
She broke off abruptly, startled at her own vehemence, immensely
embarrassed, and horrified with herself. The man was staring at her,
staring in amazement, incredulous and almost bewildered by the
surprising rush of words. He had never in his life been so
thunderstruck, nor had he ever before listened to such plain speaking.
He was silent in face of this retort for which he had been in no sense
prepared.
"Oh, dear!" she exclaimed, aghast at her own daring. "What must you
think of me? I never meant to attack you like this. It's--abominable."
"Whatever I think of you," he answered, "I can never again call you
insincere. You have hurled truths at me to-night. You were quite right
in everything you said; but--forgive me--you were quite wrong in saying
them. However, largely that's my own fault for provoking you. It was
inconsiderate to push my inquiries; it would be illogical if I
complained because you answered them. We'll wipe the incident out. At
least we understand one another. In future, when I see you making your
social effort, I shall recognise that you are started on your morality
campaign."
"Please don't," she said falteringly, with a catch so suggestive of
repressed emotion in her tones that he repented the ill-nature of his
words.
He glanced down at her as she walked beside him along the dim road,
hatless, with the soft hair shading her partly averted face; then he
straightened his stooping shoulders with a jerk, and looked about him at
the darkening landscape, and up at the sky, where the young moon rode
serenely in a star-strewn cloudless sky. It was a fine night, warm and
still; the wan moonlight pierced the dusk palely, revealing the road
cutting like a path of silver across the velvety darkness of the veld.
Some softening quality in the quiet beauty of the night, or it may have
been in the sight of the partly turned face, with its look of hurt
distress, penetrated the man's consciousness. His mood changed; a
kinder note banished the harshness from his voice. He had wounded her
deliberately, and he regretted it.
"I'm a brute," he said in altered tones. "Don't heed my roughness; it
is not meant. I had no wish to offend."
"You did not offend," she answered. "But I am afraid that I did."
"No," he said, but without conviction, she thought. "I asked for truth,
and I got it. Perhaps that is what surprised me. The last thing a man
expects to hear is the truth about himself. I didn't credit you with
the possession of so much courage."