The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"Yes, I love him with all my heart. If I never see him again I will go
on loving him for the rest of my life."
In face of this Rose found nothing to say. The situation had got beyond
her. She felt increasingly curious. She wanted to know more about this
man; but Esme's manner baffled her. It was very evident that the
subject was distressing to the girl. There was something behind all
this of which she was in ignorance and which she felt she ought to be
told. She put one or two leading questions, but all she elicited was
the fact that Hallam was a man of independent means and no fixed abode.
That struck Rose as significant. If no duties engrossed him it was odd
that he should be satisfied to communicate with the girl only by post.
If he were sufficiently interested in her to keep up a correspondence,
why did he never come to see her?
"I would advise you to put Paul Hallam out of your thoughts," she said,
as an outcome of these reflections.
Then she kissed the girl, and got off the bed, and stood hesitating
between the bed and the door, sleepy, yet reluctant to leave her sister
alone.
"I hoped when I came in you would have a different story to tell me,"
she added. "Don't waste your life, thinking of a man who doesn't care
enough to want to come and see you. George is honest, and he loves you.
It's a pity to throw away a really good chance of happiness."
"To marry a man when you love another would not bring happiness," Esme
said, facing her sister in the moonlight, half undressed, and with her
hair falling about her shoulders and shading her face. "And it wouldn't
be fair to George."
"I expect George, like most people, would prefer half a loaf to no
bread," Rose answered. She opened the door. "Good-night, dear," she
said softly. "You go to sleep, and don't bother your head about any of
them. Men aren't worth half the tears women waste on them."
She returned to her own room, and stood for a moment or so looking
thoughtfully at the sleeping face of her husband, as he lay on his back
with arms spread wide across the bed, and a faint smile touched her
lips.
"It is all beauty and romance till we marry you," she mused. "Then we
discover that our demi-gods are just mere men. I wonder whether I would
have wept over you in the old days? ... I didn't anyway."
With which she got into bed and fell asleep.
But Esme did not sleep. She lay awake in the hot stuffy darkness of her
little room, which the kitchen stove abetted the sun in keeping hot by
day, while the warm slates of the too adjacent roof prevented any
appreciable decrease in temperature during the night--lay awake with her
mind filled with the thought of one man, and her imagination afire with
the memory of splashes of moonlight on a heaving mass of water that
stretched away endlessly and laved the moonlit, rock-strewn beach of a
little bay along the coast. Then, with the dawn, she fell asleep and
dreamed of the moonlight and of Paul Hallam.
Book 2--CHAPTER SIXTEEN.