The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
The Garfields considered Hallam eccentric, and pitied his wife. Sophy
Garfield held out the hand of friendship, and Esme grasped it readily,
and found in her a useful and agreeable acquaintance. When Mrs
Garfield proposed that she should join the tennis club, Esme caught at
the suggestion eagerly. She did not consult Hallam: she paid her
subscription fee and told him later what she had done. Although he did
not receive the information graciously he raised no objection. It was
the least unpleasant diversion she had sought to impose so far. He
joined the club also with a view to accompanying her sometimes. But he
did not attend often; and after a while he gave up going and allowed her
to develop some slight independence of him. She made friends easily; he
neither made nor desired friends. In this respect they differed
materially. She wished that he would become more sociable. He talked
well when he chose: it would have afforded her immense pleasure to see
him in the company of other men more often.
But he kept to his home and his long tramps with her. He bought her a
horse and taught her to ride. He was a keen horseman; and when she was
sufficiently at home in the saddle they spent long days together,
riding, in pursuit of a pleasure that never palled on either: the
discovery of fresh and beautiful scenery. In their love of nature they
were entirely in accord.
"I wish," Hallam said once, when they sat together on a lonely stretch
of beach, with their horses knee-haltered and straying among the coarse
grass higher up, "that I had taken you away into the wild somewhere--
Central Africa--anywhere where white faces are rare, instead of making a
home in the centre of civilisation. These lonely places grip me. I
like to feel you beside me and know that the rest of the world is far
off, too remote to trouble us. Would you be happy in the wilds with
me?"
"I suppose I should be happy with you anywhere," she answered, and
touched his hand caressingly as it lay on the sand close to hers. "But
I am not hungering for loneliness, Paul. My instincts are civilised.
I'm nervous in lonely places."
"With me?" he asked.
She met his eyes and smiled faintly.
"Even with you I think I might feel fear at times in such solitude as
you describe. I remember how terrified I was at the Zuurberg that day,
down the kloof, when you crashed through the bushes. I thought of
tigers--oh! of all sorts of horrors. I wasn't shaped on heroic lines,
man o' mine. Leave me to the life of the city, with its comfortable
laws and protections, its nice, safe orderliness, and the sense of
security one gets in the midst of life. What can the solitudes offer
more than we already have?"
"The difference between us is that you like crowds and I don't," he
answered. "Sometimes I feel that the crowd will get between us."