The Substitute Millionaire — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Substitute Millionaire
John Stuart Mill · en
"Down on my luck, that's all. I'm an actor. Got a job to walk on in a
big show called 'Ulysses.' Rehearsed three weeks and then they
flivved. I had borrowed every cent I could on the job, and now I
dassent be seen where my friends are. I'm done! Ain't eaten since
yesterday. Say, it's Hell for a fat man to be hungry!"
Jack laughed. Moreover the word "hunger" started something insistent
in his own internals. He dropped a further consideration of his
problems until that should be satisfied.
"By Gad! That reminds me I haven't had any dinner myself! Come on,
let's see what we can find."
"You mean it!"
"Where'll we go."
"There's Little's over here on Sixth."
"To Hell with Little's! I'm fed up on beaneries. It would take a
hundred of Little's little portions to fill me. No, I got money 'Bo!
Us for the big eats. Let's try that swell French café on the south
side of the square. The French know how to eat."
"Ahh! They wouldn't serve a guy like me in there!"
"Well, the clothing stores over on Broadway are open yet. Let's go and
get you an outfit. An actor's got to show his Tuppenheimers they say,
before he can pull down a salary."
"Ahh! You're stringin' me!"
"Come along! I got a wad that's burning a hole in my jeans! I might
as well blow it on you!"
The fat youth made up his mind that Jack had been drinking. He had an
open countenance, and upon it was clearly visible his thankfulness to
Heaven for sending such a one his way. As Jack started off he took his
arm, either with the idea of guiding his footsteps, or in fear that he
might escape. His anxious glance, prepared for any sudden, unfavorable
change in the weather, never left Jack's face. He even pretended for
the sake of camaraderie to be a little spiffed himself.
Jack was vastly tickled by the whole incident. It gave him a new
luxurious sensation of opulence. Besides, he had reached the point
where he felt he had to blow off a little steam.
"What a fool I was to worry myself to a standstill! Too much thinking
is worse than none at all. If you mull over a thing too long, your
thoughts begin to go round like a squirrel in a revolving cage. Here's
the whole town open to us! We'll have us a time and forget our
troubles!"
The fat youth who had no idea of the nature of these troubles made
haste to agree. "You're dead right, fellow! Eat, drink and be merry,
as the poet says, for to-morrow the rent falls due!"
"What's your name?" asked Jack.
"Private or professional?"
"Oh, anything you like."
"Well, I'm generally known as Guy Harmsworth."
"Some name, 'Bo!"
However, the really significant names seem to come out of the air.
Jack started calling his friend 'Bo. From that it was but a little
step to Bobo. In the sound of Bobo there was something subtly
descriptive. It stuck. He is Bobo still.
As they entered the big clothing store Jack said: "Get the best. I'll
stand for it."