The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
St. Pancras bells were cheerfully thumping the air when Miriam got up to
wander about in the dark brilliance that filled the room like the
presence of a guest, and was so exaggerated that it not only supplied a
topic wherewith to start the morning, but an occupation engrossing
enough to free her, even in thought, from descent into the detail of the
day. It held everything off and yet kept her in happy communion with
Miss Holland moving busily the other side of the curtain.
Yet the night had done its work. A host of statements were plucking at
her mind: balancing the quality of life here and life at Tansley Street.
At week-ends. Behind them was a would-be disquieting assertion of the
now complete remoteness of both her working life and the eventful
leisure that had for so long ousted the old-time Tansley Street
evenings. It was a bill of costs, flourished; demanding to know what she
had done.
But it stood off, powerless to gain the centre of her attention, making
no break in her sense of being nowhere; of inhabiting, within a
shadowless brilliance, a living peace that held her immensely
unoccupied, and ready, whenever things should once more present
themselves in detail, to see them all in a fresh light.
For a while it seemed that they could never again so present themselves.
The light as she gazed into it was endless, multiplying upon itself;
drawing her away from all known things. Life henceforth would more fully
attain her, lived as at this moment she knew it could be lived,
uncalculating from the deeps of a masked splendour.
It would not last. Already the strange moments were linking themselves
with kindred strange moments in the past. But like them it set itself
while it lasted over against the rest of her experience, with a
challenge.
It was growing steadily darker.
“It’s a thunderstorm.”
“I think so. The air is most oppressive.”
Miss Holland came and stood at her own half of the window so that they
were side by side and visible to each other. Above the curtain screening
the lower part of their window, they looked across to the white pillar
of candle. A flash of bright daylight lit up the grey street, and soon
the wheels of the storm rumbled high up across the sky. Heavy drops fell
slowly, increasing until they came in a torrent.
“That will carry it off.”
“Sometimes I don’t mind storms. I don’t to-day.”
They held their places at the window, watching the pale lightning light
the rain, hearing the thunder follow more swiftly. Presently a blinding
white fire and a splintering crash just above their heads made them both
exclaim.