The Trimmed Lamp, and Other Stories of the Four Million
John Stuart Mill · en
While I was considering my own worldly sins and wondering whether there
would be any use of my trying to prove an alibi by claiming that I
lived in New Jersey, the bailiff angel came to the door and sang out:
“Case No. 99,852,743.”
Up stepped a plain-clothes man—there were lots of ’em there, dressed
exactly like preachers and hustling us spirits around just like cops do
on earth—and by the arm he dragged—whom, do you think? Why, Liz!
The court officer took her inside and closed the door. I went up to Mr.
Fly-Cop and inquired about the case.
“A very sad one,” says he, laying the points of his manicured fingers
together. “An utterly incorrigible girl. I am Special Terrestrial
Officer the Reverend Jones. The case was assigned to me. The girl
murdered her fiance and committed suicide. She had no defense. My
report to the court relates the facts in detail, all of which are
substantiated by reliable witnesses. The wages of sin is death. Praise
the Lord.”
The court officer opened the door and stepped out.
“Poor girl,” said Special Terrestrial Officer the Reverend Jones, with
a tear in his eye. “It was one of the saddest cases that I ever met
with. Of course she was”—
“Discharged,” said the court officer. “Come here, Jonesy. First thing
you know you’ll be switched to the pot-pie squad. How would you like to
be on the missionary force in the South Sea Islands—hey? Now, you quit
making these false arrests, or you’ll be transferred—see? The guilty
party you’ve got to look for in this case is a red-haired, unshaven,
untidy man, sitting by the window reading, in his stocking feet, while
his children play in the streets. Get a move on you.”
Now, wasn’t that a silly dream?
ACCORDING TO THEIR LIGHTS
Somewhere in the depths of the big city, where the unquiet dregs are
forever being shaken together, young Murray and the Captain had met and
become friends. Both were at the lowest ebb possible to their fortunes;
both had fallen from at least an intermediate Heaven of respectability
and importance, and both were typical products of the monstrous and
peculiar social curriculum of their overweening and bumptious civic
alma mater.