The Triumph of Jill — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Triumph of Jill
John Stuart Mill · en
"Yes," he said, "you have my talent, and I have taught you all I could.
But I wish that I had more to leave you; there will be so little after
all the expenses are paid."
"There are the models--my art school stocked," she replied with assumed
cheerfulness. "I shall be only awaiting the pupils, and they will come
after a while."
The speech was a brave one, but her heart sank nevertheless. She was
fairly self-reliant, but she had seen enough of the seamy side of life
to realise how difficult it was, added to which she was devoted to her
father, who was all she had in the world, and the knowledge that he was
leaving her just when she seemed to need him most was very bitter. They
had been comrades ever since she could remember, a bond that had made
the roving, Bohemian life very pleasant, and the severing of which meant
a loss that nothing could ever replace--a void no one else could fill.
And yet she continued cheerful and bright, even gay at times, though
each day found him weaker, and her own heart heavier, and more hopeless.
But she choked down the lump that was always rising in her throat, and
maintained a smiling exterior, despite her grief, until there was no
need to conceal her feelings any longer, and then sorrow had its way,
and found vent in a wild burst of uncontrollable weeping, which after
half an hour exhausted both itself and her, and ended in a kind of
general collapse. But there was very little time in which to indulge
the luxury of grief. There was the future to think about; for it was
necessary to live even if one did not feel greatly inclined to; and so
Jill left her tiny bedroom with its sloping ceiling, and stole into the
studio, bare, save for its model throne, and casts, its easel, table,
and couple of cane-bottomed chairs, its smell of stale tobacco, and
cheese, and the memory of the dear presence that once had sat there
working and would work no more. With eyes blinded by tears, and hands
that trembled she proceeded to dust the models, and put the room to
rights, and as she did so her glance fell upon the still unfinished
picture--her father's last work--and, letting the dusting brush fall
from her hand, she threw her arms about the neck of the Apollo Belvidere
and wept afresh. Her next move, when this new outburst had subsided,
was to take down the bust of Clytie from the shelf on which it stood and
tenderly remove the specks of dust that had been allowed to gather there
through the inevitable neglect of the past sad days. This had been her
father's favourite model. He had liked it on account of a certain
worldliness of expression--a touch of the old Eve, he had been wont to
say--which the others lacked! and so henceforth Clytie would possess an
added attraction, a new interest for her born of pure sentiment.