The Triumph of Jill — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Triumph of Jill
John Stuart Mill · en
The climax had come. It had rushed upon her with an unexpectedness that
was overwhelming and had left her too stunned to even think connectedly.
Only the night before she had been so full of glad expectation, and now
everything seemed at an end and all the gladness vanished. She walked
unsteadily back to her old seat by the window, and fingered absently the
book St. John had sent. It was a new volume, and had been a gift; for
he had written her name on the fly leaf. The fact had given her
pleasure last night, now she wondered why he had done it, and laid the
book down again wearily, all her former interest gone. There were other
evidences of his gifts about the room in the shape of baskets once
containing fruit and flowers. The fruit had been all eaten, and the
flowers were dead; a bunch of them, fading fast, drooped in a vase upon
the table; the rest, dried and discoloured, with all their beauty
perished, were hidden away in Jill's little bedroom where only she could
see them, and recall the pleasure they had given; and from her exalted
position on on the bracket which she occupied alone, Clytie looked down
white, and pure, and pensive, seeming to understand. Oh! it was hard,
and cruel, and bitter,--all the more bitter, that the mistake had been
her own. She drew from the bosom of her frock St. John's brief note,
the note that had made her so happy, and read it again by the light of
her new understanding, `Don't worry about the lessons; I am enjoying the
holiday.' Perhaps he had meant it literally and not, as she had
imagined, penned the clause solely with a thoughtful desire to save her
anxiety. How vain she had been!--how mad! `I have something to say to
you which will not keep.' So vague a sentence, and yet she had fancied
that she had guessed his meaning rightly. He might have meant a hundred
things, and what more probable than the announcement of his engagement?