The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The tunnel : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 4
John Stuart Mill · en
Opening a volume of Mendelssohn she played from his point of view one of
the Songs without Words quietly into the conversation. The room grew
still. She felt herself and Mr. Tremayne as duplicates of Harriett and
Gerald only that she was a very religious very womanly woman, the ideal
wife and mother and he was a bad fast man who wanted to be saved. It was
such an easy part to play. She could go on playing it to the end of her
life, if he went on in business and made enough money, being a "gracious
silence," taking an interest in his affairs, ordering all things well,
quietly training the servants, never losing her temper or raising her
voice, making the home a sanctuary of rest and refreshment and religious
aspiration, going to church.... She felt all these things expressing
themselves in her bearing. At the end of her piece she was touched to
the heart by the look of adoration in his eyes, the innocent
youthfulness shining through his face. There was something in him she
could have and guard and keep if she chose. Something that would die if
there were no woman to keep it there. There was nothing in his life of
business and music halls to keep it there, nothing but the memory of his
mother and he joined her on to that memory. His mother and his wife were
sacred ... apart from life. But he could not be really happy with a
woman unless he could also despise her. Any interest in generalities,
any argument or criticism or opposition would turn him into a towering
bully. All men were like that in some way. They each had a set of
notions and fought with each other about them whenever they were
together and not eating or drinking. If a woman opposed them they went
mad. He would like one or two more Mendelssohns and then supper. And if
she kept out of the conversation and listened and smiled a little he
would go away adoring. She played the Duetto; the chords made her think
of Beethoven and play the last page carelessly and glance at Harriett.
Harriett had felt her response to the chords and knew she was getting
away from Mendelssohn. Mr. Tremayne had moved to a chair quite close to
the piano, just behind her. She found the Beethoven and played the first
movement of a sonata. It leapt about the piano breaking up her pose,
using her body as the instrument of its gay wild shapeliness, spreading
her arms inelegantly, swaying her, lifting her from the stool with the
crash and vibration of its chords.... "Go on" said Harriett when it came
to an end. The Largo came with a single voice deep and broad and quiet;
the great truth behind the fuss of things. She felt her hearers grow
weary of its reiterations and dashed on alone recklessly into the storm
of the last movement. Through its tuneless raging she could hear the
steady voice and see the steady shining of the broad clear light.
Daylight and gaiety and night and storm and a great song and truth, the
great truth that was bigger than anything. Beethoven. She got up,